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How many share same beliefs with SO?


Leesa
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I can't imagine living with someone for 11 years and not sharing that (very big) part of my life with them. Just my own thoughts, but it would feel dishonest....like I wasn't being true to myself.

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Actually thinking about it after your comments she probably does know but since I've not practiced anything in front of her (save for a bit of divination) I don't think she's worried. I say that because she said a lady she worked with for many years is a witch (Wiccan follower that is..) and my partner said I would get on with her very well (and she is a nice lady and wears her beliefs openly).

I've never really called myself anything as to me I'm just normal, I've never called myself a witch as through years of misunderstanding (thinking witches were wiccan due to books and films) I've not felt right with it - it's just not for me. I've not known about the traditional craft until recently after following links that eventually came here. It's like someone has switched a light on and things are starting to make sense.

I'm pretty sure over the next few months I'll start to openly talk about it to my partner - we've been together long enough for her not to be shocked (her family, well that's different lol). I don't like hiding it from her but I always get the feeling as she's religious she won't take me seriously or will think different of me (guess I'm still hiding in the broom closet lol)

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Actually thinking about it after your comments she probably does know but since I've not practiced anything in front of her (save for a bit of divination) I don't think she's worried. I say that because she said a lady she worked with for many years is a witch (Wiccan follower that is..) and my partner said I would get on with her very well (and she is a nice lady and wears her beliefs openly).

I've never really called myself anything as to me I'm just normal, I've never called myself a witch as through years of misunderstanding (thinking witches were wiccan due to books and films) I've not felt right with it - it's just not for me. I've not known about the traditional craft until recently after following links that eventually came here. It's like someone has switched a light on and things are starting to make sense.

I'm pretty sure over the next few months I'll start to openly talk about it to my partner - we've been together long enough for her not to be shocked (her family, well that's different lol). I don't like hiding it from her but I always get the feeling as she's religious she won't take me seriously or will think different of me (guess I'm still hiding in the broom closet lol)

 

Being new to the Path, I can imagine that you will have many of those "Guess-what-I-am" conversations in the future. I'm glad I never had to clarify or justify to my husband. I have no need to be flamboyantly (sp?) "Witchy" in public, but I do not hide in any way at home. My husband would have to be a total idiot not to know after 20 years of marriage, even if I hadn't come right out and said it in front of him.

 

J

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  • 3 months later...

My husband isn't very interested in my witchy ways. He isn't really anything, he doesn't know what he believes. He is very supportive of me but doesn't really care to get involved. We have a young son and I plan on teaching him some things and letting him figure things out for himself, at least in terms of spirituality.

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  • 8 months later...

Well I don't have an SO at this particular time, lol, but I would have a hard time falling in love with someone who didn't share my spiritual life. I could date them, yes, but fall in love and live with them, probably not. My house screams "weird" from the moment you walk in, lol. I have a big baker's rack of jars of oils and herbs, drying plants and spirit houses hanging form the windows, skulls and spirit bottles on shelves and tables, a box of salted dryig opossum bones on my kitchen counter (thank you HT, lol), notebooks of odd writings and thoughts scattered about the house. Wood hanging from windows and in my bed, cords hangig from hooks on the walls, charms hanging from ceilin and windows, jars of termite wings and cat hair on the kitchen table becuase they didn't fit on the baker's rack. A bar of soap in my bed. It looks like a madwoman lives here, lol. But it's mine, so I can live how I want :-) Every now and then I try to become a neat and tidy person, but it seems it's just not me, so I don't bother with it too often, lol.

 

M

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I am sure that will work for you, but the point about raising children to encounter many forms of religion/spirituality in the home, and letting them choose is something I personally don't ascribe to.

 

I see no reason to raise my children in any other spiritual tradition but my own. After all Christians don't teach their kids all about Witchcraft and then let them make a choice, do they! I'm not saying I indoctrinate my kids, of course they have a choice, but in my family tradition if they choose to look elsewhere then they go to other sources to find out their info.

 

I am quite satisfied that they will recieve sufficient education about world religions at school, and through their cultural influences and if they choose to pursue their interests further, resources are readily available to them through internet etc. (No one to date has gone outside the family tradition, and there are a lot of us!!)

 

Loona and I have given our views...what does everyone else think?

 

Based on a conversation in Chat, I am inclined to respond to this part of the thread. I am a Witch, as such my kids are Witches. Once they reached the age of understanding, if they had expressed a true interest in studying another Path, I would not have stood in their way, but I sure as hell wouldn't driven them to the church, and I certainly would not have stood by passively as some dumb fuck brainwashed them.

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I have strong feelings about not encouraging institutions that actively want to remove my freedoms, and I am not even talking about freedom to be a witch here, I am thinking of a whole lot more things. I am with Jevne here. However if any of the kids I love wanted to explore a reasonable institution that did not actively try to restrict my rights as a human, then I would maybe drive them, but neither should the institution be complicit but "against" what its sister institutions are doing. I realized fro within a very liberal church that some members there refered to certain humans they did not like as equivelent in worth to toasters , phonebooks and dogs, because of a diferent belief than the standard party line. Witches aren't the only ones these institutions burned/hung--and we are on their chopping block for restricted freedoms along with the same old offenders, they may not burn us anymore, but other punishments aren't off the table. I wouldn't send anyone I want to still love me when they leave the building to one of these ibstitutions, that uses brainwashing yo rend apart families.

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My first serious relationship was with a "Catholic" gentleman who was adamant that I do nothing witchy near him or where he could see or tell I'd done it. It was a very contentious relationship, and I always swore I'd never be with anyone who couldn't handle my beliefs again. As a matter of fact, the "I'm a practicing witch...." conversation would generally occur on first dates from then on just to avoid this type of man.

 

My husband is not sure what he is. He says that he feels agnostic, and he likes philosophies for life, but no actual religion. He is interested in Buddhism as far as meditation and existing in the moment are concerned. He think my path is interesting and asks good questions and encourages my practice, but he doesn't think it is for him. We recently went through a bit of a rough patch where he started to come down on my practice, but through discussion, we realized it was just his own frustration with his beliefs lashing out at mine.

 

Some of the things I do, he doesn't want to know, and I respect that.

 

As for his daughter, she is of Navajo descent and her mother hopes to raise her with Navajo beliefs. I share parts of my practice with her (what I think she's old enough for), but am very careful not to involve her in anything that the Navajo consider taboo (which is a very, very, very, VERY long list.....). If she asks me a question, I am honest with her, but time will tell whether or no her interest goes farther than mild curiosity.

 

If I ever have a child of my own (which I'm not planning to), I will raise them as a witch.

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My husband and kids don't know what I do, and it never bothered me - I preferred it that way, but lately I have been thinking of coming out of the (broom) closet.

Everything I have around is open to interpretation:

 

Witchcraft books - I have a vast library of over 1000 books on every subject so they don't stand out

Herbs and "creations" - I originally trained as a make-up artist and was making my own cosmetics/oils/lotions since a teen, I have also trained more recently as a herbalist so nothing odd there

Candles and holders everywhere - I like candles!

Tarot deck - he's not actually ever seen it but if he did it is over 20 years old now - who didn't buy one for fun in their teens?

Pestle and mortar - i'm a keen cook

Knowledgable about nature/rites/ancient festivities - I love history and wildlife

 

Would my husband care if I told him? No, he is an absolute Atheist so he wouldn't care but he would think it rubbish. Is that why I don't tell him? Partly. Also (this is going to sound sooooo lame) another reason is that years before he met me he was going out with a woman who owned a new age/witchcraft shop and I don't want to remind him of her. I know that is so stupid (how many people have dated more that one christian and thought nothing of it?) but hey thats me, the one with jealousy issues.....

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My SO identifies with being Catholic in the typical "bad Catholic" kind of way. He doesn't follow my beliefs, but he is open to them and supportive of my lifestyle. He finds it all very interesting and doesn't mine that I teach the children my ways. He is even willing to attend the odd public festival if ever I desire to go to one. My family is aware of my beliefs and his family (as far as I know) is not. I have no desire for the in-laws to know my beliefs, but if they found out I wouldn't care. They are extremely hypocritical Catholics anyway. They kind who go to church every Saturday evening when it's convenient, and then go back to being terrible people when they leave. They were never nice to me anyway. :-p

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My husband is a practicing catholic. Although I am pretty secretive about what I do/who I am, on the outside looking in, we look like polar opposites for a multitude of reasons. However, when you look closer, we actually share a lot of similar beliefs. But, no, we don't do any kind of magic together...although he has said recently he'd be willing to teach me tantra which is something he studied years ago. So, there's that too...

 

There was also a situation not too long ago, where I saw my husband return some very bad energy to a person sending it his way. I won't go into details, but I will say it made me think a lot. Because of that, I am also apt to believe maybe it is possible to be both a practicing catholic and a witch. I don't really know how one would reconcile that <I am not, have never been and probably will never be catholic>, but, I do know his instincts were to first say a prayer to his God about the situation, and then it was followed by him obtaining a personal item from the offender and wreaking some havoc on the individual. Uh..what happened there, I will say, was very non-catholic. However, if any of you knew the surrounding situation-I'm sure you'd be apt to agree with his actions at the time. The way I saw it, he kinda didn't have much of a choice actually.

 

Also, my husband is not a cradle catholic, he is a convert and happy within his faith. Then there is that but I suppose....

 

Between the two of us, he is the one with a few known actual witches in his family line. Yes, it has come to light that maybe I've had some people in my family line that practiced folk magic, but no "witches" that I am aware of. He is the keeper of his family history and so he is very familiar with who they were. So, I have also seen him call one of them up when he needed spiritual protection, actually.

 

However, I don't think he'd ever identify with being a witch or call himself one. Never say never, I realize, but I know him pretty well after so many years. Perhaps he is just an odd one, or maybe it goes back to the whole witching is or can be a totally separate art from religious choice, I guess? I don't know-I haven't come to any conclusions yet on my personal thoughts as of recently-I've decided I just want to observe for now.

 

I do realize this is a sensitive subject for some here..so I can only speak from personal experience, of course.

 

I will say he encourages me to just be myself whatever that might be, and is generally supportive. He doesn't pry and he doesn't ask questions if he sees me doing something "witchy" like. He has no interest in divination and would never let me read cards for him ect...but if I have a premonition, psychic insight, or am dealing with a spirit that shows up, he'll listen to what I am saying & put stock in it. He trusts me and, overall, we have a good marriage-doesn't mean we don't have our differences, of course, because we definitely do. But we can usually reconcile those differences enough to find a middle ground, when it is necessary...

 

The kids are raised to encourage any natural craft abilities they might have- in a healthy age appropriate way, and religiously, they are exposed to a lot of different paths. Our families are predominantly Christian, but there are different influences within the family. Atheists, Christians, Hindus, Seeks, Catholics, Buddhist are all a part of our family and my kids are free to explore anything they want to know more about-under my supervision, of course.

 

In a religious sense, I am not sure exactly where I fit, so I can't hardly expect them to "fit" in one belief system either. I wouldn't let them involve themselves in anything that could hurt them though, of course. I teach them to always think for themselves, to stand their ground, to know their moral compass,and to never compromise who they are as people. Since I don't subscribe to any one religion, I feel that the best way to raise them is with the right attributes, attitude, and with a good head on their shoulders so they can make a well thought out...and intuitive... decision.

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I didn't become a practicing pagan until this relationship, so this is the only experience I've had with it. My partner is an agnostic from an Irish-Catholic family. When I first mentioned

that I was interested in witchcraft, he dismissed it as "ridiculous fantasy" (because he desperately wants to believe in things that are tangibly "real", despite being an empath and having had several "unexplainable" experiences--brushes with death which worked out for good).

 

Next he freaked out and asked me if I was one of those "bad witches" who would cast a spell to make him impotent (why the hell would I do that?! LOL), so I told him I was a fluff bunny and left it at that. Now he doesn't say anything, convinced that I am harmless. Little does he know...teehee...

 

We don't really discuss spiritual stuff. Once he tried to convince me that the children had to go to church so that they would have "morals" but I don't know if that was him, his family, or my family (my folks being quite Xtian) putting pressure on him. After I told him we'd be going straight to either the Quaker meetinghouse or the UU fellowship, he became very put out and wanted to know why I wouldn't just go to the fundie church (the one *he* refused to go to) because "UUs and Quakers" are apparently scarier than fundies. Now he leaves me alone about it. So I guess my kids are just little witches. ;)

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The first boyfriend I ever had just laughed at me when I told him, he thought it was completely ridiculous that someone would think they can do magic. Being as young as I was, I might have overreacted when I put a spell on him that kinda made his life suck for a while. But honestly, I don't think I had to just take the ridicule, plus, that showed him. My second boyfriend had a similar reaction, but he at least had the decency to shut the hell up when I asked him to, and he never brought it up again. The one after that was shit scared of the fact, and he never wanted me to do anything close to him or somewhere he could see, and I didn't. The latest one was completely indifferent to me telling him, which in my opinion was the best reaction yet. He just really didn't give a damn. But I have to say that having had almost only negative responses to me telling someone, I do hope the next one is positive. I'm not saying that because my SOs didn't understand this part of me is why we broke up, but I know it didn't help. I always kinda felt like I had to hide something about me that I didn't want to, bury it under the floorboards and forget it was ever there. I feel like if I'm in a relationship I should be able to be myself completely, without scaring my SO or having them laugh at me.

 

My friends have always been really cool about it, I can tell some of them are a bit iffy about it, but they don't say anything. Some of them even ask me to help them through my craft, and are really interested in what I do. Although one of them kind of fears my being a witch. She says it's fear mixed with respect. She comes from a really christian family, and I remember when I first met her she would start freaking out if I looked at her funny or was pretending to cast a spell :D Kinda mean of me, I know, but you should've seen her :D

 

Anyway, finding someone who shares my beliefs seems almost imnpossible here. I have never in my life met another witch, at least not from outside my family. Not even someone someone practising wicca..... But I'm hopeful that one day I will be able to share my craft with my future husband and children.

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Next he freaked out and asked me if I was one of those "bad witches" who would cast a spell to make him........

 

In my opinion, there is no such thing as " Bad Witches"................ only Balanced Witches.... Witches who dare to think and act for themselves, and keep a lovely silence about such things.

 

 

 

Regards,

Gypsy

Edited by CelticGypsy
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Thank you, Jevne, for bumping this thread and bringing Tana's question back into the conversation.

(My response should be taken with a grain of salt, because it's purely hypothetical. I do not have, nor want, children. Who knows if my feelings would be the same if I really were to have and raise a child.)

 

I was raised completely without religion, and little spiritual guidance... but a lot of encouragement to read, explore, and find my own way. I found this to be... very freeing. Organized religion just never clicked for me, but I'm certain if I had a passion for a particular religion when I was young, my parents would have supported it and even given me a ride to church if I found meaning in it. I don't think it would have been any different for them than driving me to band practice.

 

Because of my positive experience with this, if I were to have children, I'd raise them in a similar way. I wouldn't hide what I do and if they showed interest in my path, I'd guide them, encourage them, and include them... but I'd never force it on them. I'd answer questions honestly, give my view point, but encourage them to form their own thoughts. And if they showed interest in something completely different, I'd help them where I could on their way exploring that.

 

~ Freki

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The first boyfriend I ever had just laughed at me when I told him, he thought it was completely ridiculous that someone would think they can do magic. Being as young as I was, I might have overreacted when I put a spell on him that kinda made his life suck for a while. But honestly, I don't think I had to just take the ridicule, plus, that showed him. My second boyfriend had a similar reaction, but he at least had the decency to shut the hell up when I asked him to, and he never brought it up again. The one after that was shit scared of the fact, and he never wanted me to do anything close to him or somewhere he could see, and I didn't. The latest one was completely indifferent to me telling him, which in my opinion was the best reaction yet. He just really didn't give a damn. But I have to say that having had almost only negative responses to me telling someone, I do hope the next one is positive. I'm not saying that because my SOs didn't understand this part of me is why we broke up, but I know it didn't help. I always kinda felt like I had to hide something about me that I didn't want to, bury it under the floorboards and forget it was ever there. I feel like if I'm in a relationship I should be able to be myself completely, without scaring my SO or having them laugh at me.

 

My friends have always been really cool about it, I can tell some of them are a bit iffy about it, but they don't say anything. Some of them even ask me to help them through my craft, and are really interested in what I do. Although one of them kind of fears my being a witch. She says it's fear mixed with respect. She comes from a really christian family, and I remember when I first met her she would start freaking out if I looked at her funny or was pretending to cast a spell :D Kinda mean of me, I know, but you should've seen her :D

 

Anyway, finding someone who shares my beliefs seems almost imnpossible here. I have never in my life met another witch, at least not from outside my family. Not even someone someone practising wicca..... But I'm hopeful that one day I will be able to share my craft with my future husband and children.

 

May I suggest a little craft to "spell" out exactly what you are looking for in a mate? It worked for me. May be worth a try.

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Trust me Whiterose, I've tried. But for one reason or another, whenever I try to cast any kind of spell that has anything to do with love or lust for myself, even remotely, it won't work. I've kind fo give up on the thoguht and just chosen to wait for the right man to appear somewhere, sometime. And if the next man I see will think me crazy for being a witch, I'm glad I'm at least able to drive men away from me even if calling for them seems impossible :D

Edited by seacow
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I've been considering how I would respond to this topic for a while now. My husband and I do not share the same beliefs. I was raised Church of Christ, but my mother was very open to the concept of everyone choosing their own faith and belief structure as it suits them. As such, I left the church at a young age and have done my own thing since.

 

My husband, on the other hand, was raised by a Catholic father and a lip service Methodist mother. While his mother was not really involved, his father put a lot of pressure on him (read: brainwashing) from a young age. When he was fifteen, he was introduced to a new friend who was of a different faith than Catholicism, which made him start to question things and realize there are other beliefs out there, which angered his father to no end. How DARE other people expose his son to religion and beliefs other than what he has spent the last fifteen years indoctrinating in him...

Why do I bring this up? My husband, almost two decades later, is relatively open to all beliefs, though he does poke fun at my "witchy stuff." After all, he knew what I was when we met, and wouldn't have married me if he actually cared. He still gives lip service to Catholicism, but that honestly has more to do with not wanting to anger/disappoint his father.

In fact, his father is a MAJOR bone of contention in our marriage due to the subject of religion and how we are raising our daughter. "I know Sarah doesn't believe what WE believe, but you need to raise your daughter the right way.." is something he hears on a pretty regular basis. (As far as he knows, I'm just agnostic. If he found out that I practice witchcraft, I worry that he would honestly try to have my daughter taken away, regardless of my husband's feelings on it.)

 

We've had serious talks of sending our daughter to the local Christian private school to serve two purposes, 1. The public schools around here are absolutely horrible, and 2. to get his father off our backs. I would just prefer to move. I didn't think too much about it - after all, I was raised Christian, and I turned out semi okay ;) - so I was content to go along with this plan... That is until SOMEONE made me start thinking about it...

Based on a conversation in Chat, I am inclined to respond to this part of the thread. I am a Witch, as such my kids are Witches. Once they reached the age of understanding, if they had expressed a true interest in studying another Path, I would not have stood in their way, but I sure as hell wouldn't driven them to the church, and I certainly would not have stood by passively as some dumb fuck brainwashed them.

 

I'm completely of agreement, I just honestly don't know how to assert myself in a way that won't result in my husband and I alienating my in laws.. or worse.. They just bought a cabin in Tennessee. I wouldn't mind if they just up and moved there. Then I wouldn't HAVE this problem... Hmm.. That makes me think...cauldron.gif

Edited by Alienor Bel
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Note: The following comments reflect how I personally feel and should not be taken as an attempt on my part to define life for all people, including Witches . . .

 

I could not, would not, be married to a practicing christian. Some might say, that if their significant other is a christian, but accepts them, it is OK. Maybe, so . . . but if both are being completely, unabashedly true to who and what they are, the resulting rift would eventually cause one or both to have to temper, sacrifice, settle, or hide. I couldn't do that. It may be extreme to say so, but I equate this to a black woman marrying a member of the kkk. How could one be married to someone whose core belief system degrades their very existence? It's a deal breaker for me.

 

Jevne

 

Alright alright, I am going to royally step in it here but I have to say repeatedly on this forum and this thread in particular there has been a lot of gross generalizations over what Christians are and aren't. For the most part I completely agree. Bible thumping, "my way or the highway" Christians are not going to make good mates for witches. BUT y'all are being a wee bit too general here. Not all Christians are alike. Not all Christian denominations are alike. And this hasn't been more true than nowadays when more and more Christians are becoming very liberal in their beliefs and views. I know Christians who have no issue with witchcraft. Really, I'm not just saying that. I know more who would call CPS on me but that simply doesn't speak for every last Christian in this world or who will ever exist. I get the hate-on for Christians and Christianity, I really do, but I am a stickler for facts and the fact is assuming all Christians are of the same ilk is just not logical. Not all Christians believe the same thing doctrinally or socially. It is what it is.

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To answer the original question- My husband is not into what it is I am but he is very supportive and takes interest in what I am doing. It's just not his cup of tea. He is sort of an agnostic deep thinker. We agree a lot on the purpose of mythology and its relevance in life and we talk about religion and spirituality quite a bit. He just isn't the magical type, I guess you could say. Belief-wise we are pretty close, though, which is nice.

 

We're still struggling to figure out how we will raise our kiddos, though, in this regard at least. As I said we both agree on mythology and the lessons learned from it but we're not sure how to frame things as of yet and explain our views on the world and what not. It's further complicated by some other things, as well, which I don't want to get into.

 

He does want me to teach the girls my practice if and when they wish to learn it. He is really adamant on that point, actually, which I find really interesting. He isn't "into" it himself but he does believe it's real and works and all that good stuff (seeing is believing) so he is very respectful of it.

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Alright alright, I am going to royally step in it here but I have to say repeatedly on this forum and this thread in particular there has been a lot of gross generalizations over what Christians are and aren't. For the most part I completely agree. Bible thumping, "my way or the highway" Christians are not going to make good mates for witches. BUT y'all are being a wee bit too general here. Not all Christians are alike. Not all Christian denominations are alike. And this hasn't been more true than nowadays when more and more Christians are becoming very liberal in their beliefs and views. I know Christians who have no issue with witchcraft. Really, I'm not just saying that. I know more who would call CPS on me but that simply doesn't speak for every last Christian in this world or who will ever exist. I get the hate-on for Christians and Christianity, I really do, but I am a stickler for facts and the fact is assuming all Christians are of the same ilk is just not logical. Not all Christians believe the same thing doctrinally or socially. It is what it is.

 

I absolutely agree. I have christian acquaintances And even a few friends, Who I generally do not hate on because they are good people. I did not say That I dislike All christians, Only that I would not marry one

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I absolutely agree. I have christian acquaintances And even a few friends, Who I generally do not hate on because they are good people. I did not say That I dislike All christians, Only that I would not marry one

 

I apologize for jumping the gun this morning, J. I was reading the whole thread and some other posts and just hit reply on yours. Didn't mean to single you out or anything. I made a general statement about a general issue but I don't think I made myself very clear at all and I lost a lot of the context that was going on in my mind. I have been thinking about rewording it but I'm just drawing a blank.

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Its rather interesting to me, to see people's responses. To me marriage is a deep connection. I would not marry someone who didn't love me, and I am a witch. My first marriage I was a calling myself a Christian Druid, but my first husband was fine with that as an atheist who thought magic was possible. I married poorly for other reasons, but I cannot see marrying someone who utterly a) does not believe in me or b ) somewhere in his.her head believes I will go to hell and he-she heaven.

 

And I must profess the joy in being married to someone who also does magic or at least likes it when you do. The support, the sex, the intensity. Some have mentioned their husband being around or contributing a bit to a spell (if even just some personal effects for a protective spell). That interaction, that cooperation is so good and deepens the realtionship. Another here, although her husband is not a witch will do sex magic with her. Imagine that, or remember it if you're lucky ;)

 

If you've any choice in the matter, try and find a partner you can fully be yourself with. A liitle magic might help a partner see your ability too, might be a good way to encourage your love to deepen in that direction. Hey some mit prefer to have it a secret from their spoyse, not knocking it, if thats you. But I just can't get it after having dones spells together with my husband. There are some compkications, and I don't tell him everything, he might have different ideas about a spell than me, lol. But overall its awesome.

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