After a day of pain and strong feelings from the river, I have washed and grounded myself. Now that I am calm and as neutral as I can be at the moment, I am feeling the season - the equinox is coming soon, and I can feel what I call the "balancing" happening. The term "balancing" always brought a sense of calm to me, as if balancing was a calming, neutralizing thing. It is not. Recent events have taught me just how abrupt and painful finding the balance can be - sometimes a pendulum must swing between two extremes before it finally, finally settles in the middle. The extremes of a scale can bring destruction, pain, death, intense change, and not everyone makes it out...and that is okay. It may not feel okay, but on a bigger scale, it *is* okay. The middle will change constantly, and constantly be found again. The middle will never stay put, and it is not meant to be more than a resting spot.
The river is fighting a war with humanity. She is not the only army in this war - she is the only army I can feel right now. The spirits of the land operate by means above humanity, and humanity often forgets this. I don't know how many others feel the stinging of what is happening to the world right now, but I do.... we are part of nature, but so is bloodlust, and there are many spirits who are very pissed at us specifically right now. We, too, bow down to the forces above us, whether we want to or not....and a change more dark yet colorful than we could ever imagine is coming. The world is changing forever, and to those changes we will bow. Not everyone will make it out alive.
I don't know what my role in all of this is, but I suppose time will tell. I can do the most good from a human perspective, I think - taking what I feel and see and using it as fuel to help my mundane actions, such as following my goals of conservation, voting properly, and always keeping the destruction at hand in the back of my head and keeping an eye on the destruction happening from humans. Talking to people about the importance of watching their damn step, reminding them in every way I can that they are part of the natural world, and preserving the world we have evolved to live in is crucial to self preservation. I don't know what else to do.
More change is coming. It is not good for us. But, a balance will be found, one way or another, and once again I am in awe of the power of the world around me.