Evergreen47 Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 Elizabeth's pastor joke reminded me of this oldie-but-goodie: A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. if I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door: 1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp. 2. There are 10 commandments, not 12. 3. There are 12 disciples, not 10. 4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. 5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass. 6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C. 7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook. 8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him. 9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey,don't say he was stoned off his ass. 10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T." 11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me" 12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry," 13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God. 14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whiterose Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 LOL! That one was pretty good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gramayr Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 Good job he wasn't giving the sermon on the mount, that Elsie from number 27 will do it anywhere and with anyone lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elizabeth Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 I am in tears! LOL. That was a great wake-up joke! The winner! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lynn Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 Elizabeth's pastor joke reminded me of this oldie-but-goodie: :happydance: That was great!! Thanks for posting it. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nefreya Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 Excellent, what a fantastic start to the day, thank you. :lolol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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