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Irish Jokes


Cam

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An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman each order a Guiness in a pub. Upon being served, each finds a fly in their beer. Repulsed, the Englishman sends his back. The Scotsman gently flicks the fly out of his mug and begins drinking. The Irishman, carefully lifts the fly up by its wings and screams, "Spit it out! Spit it out!"An Irishman walks into a bar and orders three glasses of Guiness, drinking them one at a time. Noticing this odd ritual, the bartender explains that the beer goes flat when poured and informs the man his beer would be much fresher if he ordered one glass at a time.

 

 

The Irishman explains he began this custom with his two brothers, who have moved to America and Australia, respectively. This is their way of remembering all the time they spent drinking together.

 

 

The man becomes a regular at the pub, well-known for always ordering three beers at once. One day he walks in and orders only two beers. Assuming the worst, a hush falls among other patrons.

 

 

When the Irishman returns to the bar to order his second round, the bartender quietly offers his condolences. The man looks confused for a moment, and then explains, "No, everyone's fine. I gave up beer for lent."

 

 

________________________

It was Paddy and Seamus giving the motorcycle a ride on a brisk autumn day. After a wee bit, Paddy who was sitt'n behind Seamus on the bike began to holler .

 

 

.."Seamus .

 

 

.. Seamus .

 

 

.. the wind is cutt'n me chest out!" "Well, Paddy my lad," said Seamus, "why don't you take your jacket off and turn it from front to back .

 

 

.. that'll block the wind for you." So Paddy took Seamus' advice and turned his jacket from front to back and got back on the bike and the two of them were off down the road again. After a bit, Seamus turned to talk to Paddy and was horrified to see that Paddy was not there. Seamus immediately turned the bike around and retraced their route. When after a short time he came to a turn and saw a bunch of farmers standing around Paddy who was sitting on the ground. "T'anks be to heaven, is he alright?" Seamus hailed to the farmers. "Well," said one of the farmers, " he was alright when we found him here .

 

 

. but since we turned his head back to front .

 

 

. he hasn't said a word since!"

 

 

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Paddy finds a pen and Mick says 'Hey, lets have a look at dat..'

'Mick, is it yours?'

'Dunno paddy, I'll try it out'

 

Mick scribbles his name on a bit of paper.

 

'Yeah paddy, tis mine'

'How dya know?'

 

 

..wait for it..

 

 

..it's coming..

 

 

'I recognize the handwriting.'

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Paddy finds a pen and Mick says 'Hey, lets have a look at dat..'

'Mick, is it yours?'

'Dunno paddy, I'll try it out'

 

Mick scribbles his name on a bit of paper.

 

'Yeah paddy, tis mine'

'How dya know?'

 

 

..wait for it..

 

 

..it's coming..

 

 

'I recognize the handwriting.'

 

:lolol:

 

Regards,

Gypsy

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Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink

Quinn said murphy was very lucky his wife made him walk

 

( got it on line)

 

 

:applause: LOL !:applause:

 

Himself has a T-shirt that reads,

 

Twas a woman who drove me to drink, and I never stopped to thank her .

 

Regards,

Gypsy

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Gallagher opened his morning newspaper and was dumbfound to read in the obituary column that he had died

He quickly phoned his best friendny"did you see the paper" asked gallagher "they said I died "

"Yes I saw" said finny"where are you calling from"

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Gallagher opened his morning newspaper and was dumbfound to read in the obituary column that he had died

He quickly phoned his best friendny"did you see the paper" asked gallagher "they said I died "

"Yes I saw" said finny"where are you calling from"

 

LOL!

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