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[Sandy's News] Soul Mate Reality Check…


Sandy

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“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master…”

(Elizabeth Gilbert, author of “Eat, Pray, Love”)



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Interesting - in many ways that is how I would see interaction with god/s.

 

I believe there are many people we can and do love in this lifetime (and other lifetimes). Just becuase one truely, deeply, loves someone doesn't mean that they can always live and work and love together. The love experience is real and always will be, but we are mortals in a mortal life, and that means we are constantly growing and changing. And if we are lucky, for a little while a part of our own "soul" comes across our path in the form in which it is currently incarnated and we live and love and fight and grow together for a while. Who and what that person is to us does not change, but the mortal and mundane growth rates of each person may change, thereby changing the ability to live together. If the ability to cohabitate with a soul mate changes, acknowledge the change for what it is - not a loss of love, but a change of one or both of you in growth rate and placement upon the road, and let them go knowing that the core of all you did at one time feel has made you and them a wealthier person and the next incarnation that you both happen to be in the same spot of growth at the same time, you may again share the rush, the excitemnt, the trials, the challenges and again help each other to a new place upon the road.

 

xoxox M

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Well...

The term "soul-mate" is a modern one, and one I have a hard time with. What does it really mean, to you, to me, in societal perceptions?

I have been in "love" several times, some lust-based and some heart-based, but the ONLY time I have felt a "bond" to a person, a melding of persons, a true comfort and ease of just being with was with a male friend. He and I were so different in many respects but being with him made me feel so alive, content, happy, ready to do just about anything on pure impulse. Was this a soul-mate?

You tell me.

FFFF

Elf

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If what Sandy wrote is true, this makes me very sad. That is the man I am married to! My

 

everything, does all and more then what was posted, the thought of liveing/loveing without him??

 

Can't let my mind go there, I'm just not ready!!!

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To me 'Soulmate' means exactly that - a mate for the soul. Now whether that would be a mate as in a friend or a mate as in a life partner only the person who it is for could know. I have a friend who is a gifted medium and she often finds herself being put into peoples lives to help them learn a lesson but she recognises it for what it is - helping a person learn a lesson, she has never referred to herself being their soulmate.

 

I remember in one episode of Xena there was an explanation for the soulmate. It was said that eons ago, people were joined in lots of two but they angered the Gods and were torn asunder and separated and now each lifetime people search for the other half of their soul to feel complete again. Now I'm not one for the need of some one else to make me complete, I feel pretty complete as it is but I think the sentiment illustrates the hope that people have for finding true love or companionship.

 

I don't know that a soulmate's purpose would be to come into your life, change it up and then leave. That would be more of a messenger and teacher I tend to think.

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To me 'Soulmate' means exactly that - a mate for the soul. Now whether that would be a mate as in a friend or a mate as in a life partner only the person who it is for could know. I have a friend who is a gifted medium and she often finds herself being put into peoples lives to help them learn a lesson but she recognises it for what it is - helping a person learn a lesson, she has never referred to herself being their soulmate.

 

I remember in one episode of Xena there was an explanation for the soulmate. It was said that eons ago, people were joined in lots of two but they angered the Gods and were torn asunder and separated and now each lifetime people search for the other half of their soul to feel complete again. Now I'm not one for the need of some one else to make me complete, I feel pretty complete as it is but I think the sentiment illustrates the hope that people have for finding true love or companionship.

 

I don't know that a soulmate's purpose would be to come into your life, change it up and then leave. That would be more of a messenger and teacher I tend to think.

 

I agree. Especially where you said a 'soulmate' is a mate for the soul.

 

My own thoughts on this subject are that, not only do people have soulmates out there... but that people can become soulmates over time. Learning and growing from each other.

 

I never saw that episode of Xena, but there is a song in Hedwig and the Angry Inch that tells a similar story... of people joined back to back who angered the gods, and were split in two... doomed to spend their lives searching for their other half, trying to become complete again.

 

Although, I do believe that I don't need another person to be 'whole'... I understand the thinking behind two people completing each other. My husband brings more to my life... he challenges me in ways I wouldn't challenge myself, he pushes me in way no one else could, and he's stood by me through life's most difficult trials... making them just a little bit easier. He's my best friend and so much more. He's definitely shaken up my world... but I would hate to think he's bound to exit my life as quickly as he entered it.

 

I'd prefer to think that we'll keep on growing together, continually challenging each other... making our journey through life a little brighter and a whole lot more fun.

 

~ Freki

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I have often wondered if there is any correlation in the word "soul mate" and the witch and her fetch. Soulmate seems to refer to a deep seated longing and underlying realization that the mundane human is "not complete" and in the craft, for me, this translates into recognizing and working with the fetch (what I view as the other part of the witch - the shadow part that exists in "other") and thereby cognizantly existing in full magical reality.

 

M

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Interesting post-thankyou Sandy. I feel fortunate to have a relationship like this.

 

It's not a love relationship-certainly in the usual sense of the word. Neither of us would ever consider a love relationship with each other.

He is a pagan friend, an adversary, challenger-I see elements of him that I need to develop in myself. he is primal, wild, without restrictions or responsibilities.

To him I am the same, adversary, challenger, his opposite, controlled, reserved, and somehow he finds peace and stillness in that.

Temporarily, we both find a kind of peace in our opposites, but it's not of the sweet kind.

Both of us have a need for this relationship at the present time. When at some point the relationship comes to an end-it will leave a legacy for both of us that won't be forgotten easily and both of our lives have been changed because of it.

This to me is Soul mate.

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I am of the opinion that our soulmates can change throughout our lives. When I married at 20, I thought I had found him....the perfect fit. Then 14 years later, it all changed. I looked at him one day, and discovered I didn't even know him anymore. It was a sad day, but one that brought many changes to my life that needed to happen.

 

While I enjoy romance and all that can bring, I really think for me, my deity and ancestors are my soulmates. Always with me, always helping and standing by me, always pushing me to learn and grow and be more than I thought possible.

 

Remember this, kids: People everywhere are in the constant processes of change. This is normal and natural, but those changes can disappoint you and even cause you pain. Your love affair with your gods is never-ending. Their devotion to you is in exact measure to your devotion to them. (This was told to me by a very wise woman once. I still hold it close to my heart).

 

....for me, this is true love. :)

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I agree soulmates can change. For five years I was deeply in love with a person who was then my soulmate. He challenged me and I challenged him, we grew together and he was my partner. In a lot of ways things were "perfect." Just like we grew together, we also grew apart. Not our intimacy but our "romance" or whatever came to an end. We parted fairly amicably. He called me when it his dad died; I will always do whatever I can to be there for him. He will always be there for me.

 

That being said, it's too painful to have a regular friendship. Even though, I'm not sure our souls fit together anymore - sometimes I know I just miss what we had before.

 

I've also had similar intimate relationships with friends - but around the same time. My best friend and I were like that and despite that she's been dead for almost four years I haven't had a friendship that close or challenging. Her death was one of the most interesting as well as painful experiences of my life.

 

A soul mate for this period in my life would be very different from my free spirited ex. I suppose I have different lessons to learn and need to accomplish different goals and so does he.

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I'm not sure if you can have more then one soul mate, I suppose it is possible. I don't believe that a soul mate actually has anything to do with romance either, sure we like to think so when we are in love but is that what it means?

I'm really not confident I know the answers. M's Idea seems a bit more realistic in some ways, so when I really think about it, if you are to find a soul mate outside of yourself does that mean you spend the rest of this life with them? Sadly I think not.

Most people have turned this into a romantic notion, understandably so, but when you really think about it, I think it's unlikely the case.

It's a bit of human nature to want the love of your life to be your soul mate, but honestly? I think that would be a rare reality.

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Sandy's blog, although thought provoking and bears truth, by virtue of the definition of what a "mate" is, I will have to respectfully agree to disagree on this. I believe the term was coined specifically for romantic partners or those with deep natural affinity for, rather than merely people that come and go into your life to teach you lessons that you may not necessarily like (which then redefines the term in order to fit a whole different concept.) Now whether or not soul mates exist, or if we have more, that's a different debate all together.

 

What I do agree with Sandy on is that there are people that do exist that may come into our lives with lessons and that we may not always like these people. Nor sure what kind of word I would use as a term to coin for these people though.

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