Jump to content

completely off topic of Trad WC


phoenixfire15

Recommended Posts

Someone please keep me from strangling my mother. I am TIRED of her insinuating herself into every single aspect of my life and then if I don't do what SHE wants me to or what SHE feels is right....I never hear the end of it, she puts me down in public and is just a plain old mean spirited person all the time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Next time she goes off, stare galssy-eyed into the distance and drool down the front of your shirt. It'll shut her up. Works well on bad dates, too.

 

M

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Next time she goes off, stare galssy-eyed into the distance and drool down the front of your shirt. It'll shut her up. Works well on bad dates, too.

 

M

 

LOL at least you made me smile!!!! No really....it doesn't matter what the hell I do or say....she has something negative to come back at me with...negative and sarcastic. It is a real good thing she doesn't live near me (or with me)..anymore. She is truly miserable in her own life so she tries real hard to make everyone miserable. My life isn't perfect..far from it..but I don't TRY to make everyone around me unhappy! If anything I am too optimistic for my own good most of the time. She just keeps saying she lives in reality and I don't...I try so hard to just ignore it. Pretty soon I am gonna lose my mind on her again!

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I got on much better with my parents once they moved to NZ! Having half a planet between us waters down any bad feelings!

 

As that isn't an option... maybe you could just reflect all her bad energy back?

 

It must be hard to have her being so negative all the time, some people really do seem to get a kick out of dragging everyone down to their level of misery. You know what they say, misery loves company.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I got on much better with my parents once they moved to NZ! Having half a planet between us waters down any bad feelings!

 

As that isn't an option... maybe you could just reflect all her bad energy back?

 

It must be hard to have her being so negative all the time, some people really do seem to get a kick out of dragging everyone down to their level of misery. You know what they say, misery loves company.

 

I will try that...sounds like an excellent idea actually. There is quite a lot going on with my brother right now...and of course she hates every decision he makes too...she can't stand his wife (she isn't the greatest but I stay out of it)....and she complains about him and his problems all the time...because he won't do what SHE thinks he should..just like me. She also takes ativan...for sleep...but she takes too much and instead of just taking it during the evening and going to bed..she takes it all day long and it makes her even more of a bitch! Her 30 day supply is gone in about 10 days. The rest of the time she is slightly better..but it is absolutely ridiculous to be in somebody's business every second of every day..if she doesn't like something she makes it know...to EVERYONE. No wonder I am more like my grandma.

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Elfyd

P-15,

 

Putting up a shield or a reflective surface as midnightblue suggests is a very good foil for this, if you could use your circle-cross on this you can activate it anytime you need. Another thing that works for me (and very well with a hateful and determined neighbour bitchy-type ******** ***** *****) is to get a Sheila Na Gog ( spelling help here please Michele) pendant and wear it when she is around, these things are so powerful, thank you little lady.

 

FFFF

Elf

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The older some people get, the more they seem to live in the past and assume life is still like it used to be in their day. Also, with mothers I don't think they always mean to be negative, they just are familiar enough with you that they say what they feel not realizing how it sounds. Maybe there's just something in the air. I had an argument with my mother today (notice how she's now "my mother," not "me mum") which is highly unusual.

 

M

Link to comment
Share on other sites

She sounds lonely and possibily scared of the future - unable to accept her babies have grown up and all that. In these situations, I like to call people on their behaviour. Don't take it on board, just respond as though she is a stranger talking about someone else. Things like "Gee, you seem really negative today" or "What are you scared of" Often the behaviour is fear based, so cutting through all the bull and naming what the issue is usually stops them in their tracks. The other thing you can do is say "Mum, I love you but I will not accept you treating me this way. In future, if you have nothing nice to say, don't speak to me," and refuse to see her or speak to her on the phone. You don't have to accept her treatment, but you don't have to take it on board and get upset ny it either.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest MissTree

Phoenixfire15, why not just set boundaries for what you will and will not accept from your Mother? Then enforce them! Hang up. Walk away. Refuse to call back. Etc. Sooner or later, she'll catch on and stop the negative behavior around you. We teach those around us how to treat us by what we accept from them. If you don't like how your Mother is treating you, then don't accept it.

 

I can't believe no one has suggested this yet! This problem doesn't need a magical solution. What it needs is backbone and consistency!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Grimr

We teach those around us how to treat us by what we accept from them. If you don't like how your Mother is treating you, then don't accept it.

 

I have to agree with what MissTree said, beyond being a Witch, but as a person, we make choices about what we are willing to accept as tolerable behavior. I don't doubt the situation is complicated and tricky, I can offer my sympathy and say I wish it where different, but the choice lies with you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Magdalena

I agree with MissTree and Grimr.

 

A slanging match falls on deaf ears, so you will not achieve anything by getting into one. Silence raises questions and sometimes makes one realise the situation. Some people can't be told, it's best to let them figure it out for themselves.

What I am trying to say, is sometimes silence gives the other person time to think about what they are doing. Maybe in your silence your mum will come to realise how she is making you feel.

 

"Sticks and stones are hard on bones aimed with angry art. Words can sting like anything but silence breaks the heart"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Phoenixfire15, why not just set boundaries for what you will and will not accept from your Mother? Then enforce them! Hang up. Walk away. Refuse to call back. Etc. Sooner or later, she'll catch on and stop the negative behavior around you. We teach those around us how to treat us by what we accept from them. If you don't like how your Mother is treating you, then don't accept it.

 

I can't believe no one has suggested this yet! This problem doesn't need a magical solution. What it needs is backbone and consistency!

 

I agree, but I think it is easier said than done to stand up to a parent, they have an amazing ability to make us feel guilty, or maybe that's just mine!

 

I suggested a magical solution because I thought it would be the one that would cause the least upset, although I am personally of the opinion that if someone in your life is causing you stress then you just cut them out of your life.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If you continue to allow your mother treat you like shit on the mundane level, no spell in the world is going to help. Some Witches use the term "acting in accord" to describe the idea of cultivating physical, mental, and emotional synergy. I understand that dealing with parents and other family members can be difficult, but feeding the mental conflict by not speaking your true feelings is giving away your power. Witches don't do that.

 

J

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Magdalena

but feeding the mental conflict by not speaking your true feelings is giving away your power.

 

J

 

I agree, one should speak their true feelings. I would and have done that, but I would not do it repeatedly. If what I said didn't sink in, I would and have done what I said in my last post. I have cut a family member off, I told them what I feel and I will not budge from my decision. My reason wasn't a trivial one. Life is such. ;)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Phoenixfire15, why not just set boundaries for what you will and will not accept from your Mother? Then enforce them! Hang up. Walk away. Refuse to call back. Etc. Sooner or later, she'll catch on and stop the negative behavior around you. We teach those around us how to treat us by what we accept from them. If you don't like how your Mother is treating you, then don't accept it.

 

I can't believe no one has suggested this yet! This problem doesn't need a magical solution. What it needs is backbone and consistency!

 

I have actually done this before...many times. This has been an ongoing problem since I was a kid. I lived primarily with my grandparents. There were other "issues" with my mother I won't even get into. She has never been a real mother to me (except a handful of times I can think of). Let's just say its extremely complicated. She is an avid Facebooker...and although I am too...most;y because I enjoy the games like Farmville (yes I am one of those! lol)....she takes EVERYTHING out on EVERYONE there.....has something to say about everything...ESPECIALLY me and my brother. It infuriates me. I never respond, I ignore it as best I can. Thing is..if she says or does something I don't agree with...I would never do that to her...she is a complete attention seeker. She lives with her mom (my granny) and her brother (my uncle)...works full time, has a car...she is only 59...but doesn't have much of a life to speak of..by her own doing. She has a couple friends she has known for 20 something years where she lives and never bothers to meet up with them..even if they ask she will cancel at the last minute. I believe she is a very jealous person also. it's like if someone she is close to is happy in the least...she has to try to make them feel like crap.

 

I hate t turn myself away from her completely....but I honestly cannot take this much longer. I already ignore her texts and calls half the time. I get into a "discussion" with her and it turns ugly..I hang up or stop texting her. I ignore messages and email...her attitude never changes. She is my mom....I hate to just cut myself off from her completely...although I have once before.

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest MissTree

it can be hard to stand up to a parent. Some parents can be very good at playing the guilt card. However it can still be done. Moreover it can be done respectfully and with love. Why wait until you get to the point where you're resenting them and badmouthing them to others?

Up until about 7 years ago,my Dad & I had a relationship similar to what you have now with your Mother. Only he wasn't so much negative as preachy and controlling. (retired minister) Our relationship was a nightmare for a while. We could not have a conversation without it turning into a big argument.

Then I finally put my foot down with him. I told him I loved him and appreciated him, but "I am an adult capable of making my own decisions regarding religion and politics. Please respect my choices. I really don't want to have to distance myself from you, but I will if you push this issue."

 

This is where consistency is needed. No one likes it when you put up a boundary, no matter how healthy. They'll push the issue for a while. Maybe to see if you're serious. Maybe for selfish reasons, but be prepared for a battle of wills.

My Dad & I had a pretty rough year after I first set boundaries with him. I can't tell you the number of times I had to hang up the phone mid-sentence or walk out of their house. I don't regret any of it for a minute, though.

Today, Dad is one of my best friends as well as my father. I visit with him and my stepmom several times a month. We email each other daily to share jokes or funny things that happened to us. We get together for regular scrabble games/pizza night.

We still have the occasional whoops where I have to hang up the phone or walk away, but those are getting to be fewer and fewer. Dad knows that if he wants me in his life, to not push the religion or politics buttons.

Dad has also, more than once now, admitted to me how much he respects me and is proud of me. To me, that's huge! Especially considering our history.

 

If this will work with a controlling, extremely religious personality, then imo it will work with anyone. The only thing holding you back right now is yourself.

 

 

(edited to fix a couple mistakes)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Next time she goes off, stare galssy-eyed into the distance and drool down the front of your shirt. It'll shut her up. Works well on bad dates, too.

 

M

 

:rofl:I love this answer, this sounds just like something I would do.

 

Another thing the post author might want to try, is not to feed into it. When mom starts acting up, focus on a spot on the wall above her head, without answering or saying something like "yeah yeah yeah". Sometimes this works well to get the point across that you don't want to hear it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

it can be hard to stand up to a parent. Some parents can be very good at playing the guilt card. However it can still be done. Moreover it can be done respectfully and with love. Why wait until you get to the point where you're resenting them and badmouthing them to others?

Up until about 7 years ago,my Dad & I had a relationship similar to what you have now with your Mother. Only he wasn't so much negative as preachy and controlling. (retired minister) Our relationship was a nightmare for a while. We could not have a conversation without it turning into a big argument.

Then I finally put my foot down with him. I told him I loved him and appreciated him, but "I am an adult capable of making my own decisions regarding religion and politics. Please respect my choices. I really don't want to have to distance myself from you, but I will if you push this issue."

 

This is where consistency is needed. No one likes it when you put up a boundary, no matter how healthy. They'll push the issue for a while. Maybe to see if you're serious. Maybe for selfish reasons, but be prepared for a battle of wills.

My Dad & I had a pretty rough year after I first set boundaries with him. I can't tell you the number of times I had to hang up the phone mid-sentence or walk out of their house. I don't regret any of it for a minute, though.

Today, Dad is one of my best friends as well as my father. I visit with him and my stepmom several times a month. We email each other daily to share jokes or funny things that happened to us. We get together for regular scrabble games/pizza night.

We still have the occasional whoops where I have to hang up the phone or walk away, but those are getting to be fewer and fewer. Dad knows that if he wants me in his life, to not push the religion or politics buttons.

Dad has also, more than once now, admitted to me how much he respects me and is proud of me. To me, that's huge! Especially considering our history.

 

If this will work with a controlling, extremely religious personality, then imo it will work with anyone. The only thing holding you back right now is yourself.

 

 

(edited to fix a couple mistakes)

 

 

I like this answer. Well said. I can relate to this because I had a similar relationship with my mom. She lost my respect because of her actions. One thing that really got the message through to her though, was I started calling her by her given name instead of by "mom". That hurt her and she realised how serious things were. When she earned back my respect by trying to correct her actions I started calling her mom again. That was only a few years ago. It really is in how you interact with people, that makes them act a certain was towards you. Maybe she still see you as a kid, her kid and therefore controllable. Nowadays, parents have control of their kids lives well in to their twenties. I stopped my moms control at 16, I wasn't having it. You just have to show her you can be more mature than her by not buying in to a spatting match. Inform her that you will not talk with her if she insists on acting like a child (i.e. dramaqueen) and walkaway. Just like Miss Tree said. After a few times it will sink in.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

thanks everyone...I seriously did not mean to sound like I hate my mom. I don't. I am just really fed up..she is at it again today. I am keeping my distance. I will just never understand why she does what she does.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...