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What the Doctor Says vs. What He Really Means:


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"This should be taken care of right away."

This is easy and profitable so I want to fix it before it cures itself


"Welllllll, what have we here..."

I don't have any idea what it is, and hope you'll give me a clue


"We'll see."

First I have to check my malpractice insurance


"Let me check your medical history."

I want to see if you're paid up before spending any more time with you


"Why don't we make another appointment later in the week."

I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of my time


"I have some good news and some bad news."

The good news: I get a new BMW. The bad news: You're going to pay for it.


"Let's see how it develops."

Maybe in a few days it will turn into something that can be cured


"Let me schedule you for some tests."

I have a forty percent interest in the lab


"I really can't recommend seeing a chiropractor."

I hate those guys horning in on our fees



I haven't the faintest idea what to do. Maybe the Nurse will interrupt


"I'd like to have my associate look at you."

He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a small fortune


"How are we today?"

I feel great. You, on the other hand, look like hell


"If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."

I don't know what the hell it is. Maybe it will go away by itself


"That's quite a nasty looking wound."

I think I'm going to throw up


"This may hurt a little."

Last week two patients bit through their tongues


"This should fix you up."

The drug salesman guaranteed that it kills all symptoms.


"I'd like to prescribe a new drug."

I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig


"Everything seems to be normal."

I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all


"I'd like to run some more tests."

I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this


"Do you suppose all of this stress could be affecting your nerves ?"

I'm hoping to find a psychiatrist who will split fees


"If those symptoms persist, call for another appointment."

I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I'm off next week


"There is a lot of that going around."

My God, that's the third one this week... I'd better learn something about this


:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

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  • 1 month later...
Guest 53rdspirit

I might find it more funny if a lot of it weren't, sadly, true.


I worked in the health care field for almost 25 years and ten of those years were in the corporate world. I attended a lot of board meetings and got to hear first-hand what doctors (who were held in high esteem and trusted by their patients) had to say about their patients. Did you know that surgeons (some of the most temperamental) have actually come to blows in the operating room over schedule time!? Gads! It's true.


One I will never forget was an oncologist who was heavily involved in human research. The board members were concerned about the overly high radiation dosage he was proposing to give his terminally ill patients. The doctor said "What difference does it make, they are going to be dead in six months anyway..."


It got so the doctors, over time, made me sick.

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Shit...you guys DON"T?!


No we don't! The National Health Service picks up the bill! We have to pay a prescription charge for medecine, approx ?6 (maybe $12?). Apart from that medical care is free. We do have the option to go private to save on waiting time etc. We pay ultimately as its funded out of taxes.

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We do in Germany ... we have a governmental insurance that is covered by most companies for their employees, or we have private ... If you are private you get see the bills, we pay the bill then get compensated later on from our insurance, and its amazing just what they charge for. Telephone calls, how many questions you asked, how long you were in their for and EVEN I got charged because I asked for a copy of my blood results!! MAD!!!

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