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#1 SadJamiee

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Posted 15 October 2009 - 10:26 PM

ive been around for a bit but i know that no one knows me. ive always been the quiet type (til you get to know me what a paradox) and im sick of it. getting to read so many posts by all the awesome people here is making me wanna come out of this shell i have made for the lesser known side of me, the seeking witch. when i found this forum, i was really in a very transitional period in my life, i was moving on from a really tough relationship between myself and an addiction that had been running my life for a long time. fortunatly i got some incredible help to aid me in doing what i had wante to do for so long. so now that i have really made my way back to being totally me, something that i tried to avoid for so long because i was 'different' inside, i feel so scattered. i know what i feel in my blood but i havent been this aware of it until recently. i am the 'weird kid'. i really think that most of you can relate, always thinking differently then other people or being much more then others. i still cant put a finger on what it is, its jus something that i feel, i'll probably never actually have a word for it. but whatever i feel its calling me and i dont know how to listen. its not for lack of wanting to follow whatever path i am lead to but i dont know where to start at. i know i need to sort of harness this energy that i have but i havent allowed myself to explore it as i grew up, i tried to be like everyone else and do whatever i could to distract myself from it. a few of the members here a lucky enough to have figured out what their natural gifts are and how to work with them but i havent been so lucky. i feel like i am lost in a forest that i have lived in for my whole life. ive read lots of book and love to learn but nothing that i have found seems to work. as much as i dont want to believe it books cant teach you everything. i know im in the right place, i jus cant get comfortable. ive mentioned this before, i took the avaliable fluffy route for a bit but always felt wrong cause it was too much bullshit. i felt the connections but i have always been alone in this feeling. it may have been different if i had someone ... anyone that even had a remote understanding to the connections i feel but i didnt. i am drawn down this path and that is the only thing i know for sure. i have never been good at meditation or anything like it. anything i read about raising energy is always too vague and to fluffy. as im typing im getting the feeling that i need to work on something in that area but i am such a noob (for lack of a better word). i need some help and i have nowhere else to turn. ive been hoping that i would luck out and trip over the answers but i once again have reassured myself in the understanding that if you want something done and dont ask for help if you need it then you will sit there and be useless forever. i am not useless and im tired of feeling that way. screaming HELP is not sounding too bad right now.

if anyone made it through all that craziness...i had a tough time rereading it and i wrote it. (LOL) any suggestions or recommendations would so appreciated.

:pissedoff::cuckoo:
:thankyou:
Jamie
'the crazy girl that is lost in herself 'Posted Image

"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before." -
-- Mae West
"It is not my mode of thought that has caused my misfortunes, but the mode of thought of others."
-- Marquis de Sade

#2 AnjelWolf

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Posted 15 October 2009 - 11:21 PM

Learn how to use paragraphs.

I had a hard time understanding and reading this...I gave up...it started to give me a headache.

if anyone made it through all that craziness...i had a tough time rereading it and i wrote it. (LOL) any suggestions or recommendations would so appreciated.

:pissedoff::cuckoo:
:thankyou:
Jamie
'the crazy girl that is lost in herself 'Posted Image



#3 Brigid

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Posted 16 October 2009 - 12:17 AM

Yes, it was difficult to read, but there is a simple answer........Look inside of yourself, the answer is there, not here or anywhere else.

You said you don't do well at meditation, that's the place you need to start, get to know yourself, nobody else can tell you who or what you are!!

Ritualistic behaviour, though well-intentioned, possesses no significance or effectiveness unless its external prescription is matched by a personal, internal motivation of will and desire.

#4 Morgana

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Posted 16 October 2009 - 12:34 AM

I have to agree, meditate and look inside yourself. I'm attaching a website for mediatation that really helped a friend of mine. Its starts with breathing and goes from there. Its Buddist, you won't need the whole thing, but the breathing exercises really help.

If you need more help, PM me!!!

Attached Files


Earth as Body become Me
Air as Life breathe through Me
Fire as Spirit consume Me
Water as Blood flow through Me
Spirit as Guide lead Me

#5 spider*lily

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Posted 16 October 2009 - 07:34 AM

Hi SadJaimee and welcome to the forum. I hope you find some direction and the answers you are seeking. 'Mighty oaks from little acorns grow' ...

#6 Mountain Witch

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Posted 16 October 2009 - 01:00 PM

Yes, it was difficult to read but I think I got the gist of it ...

As Brigid said, the answers lie within yourself. No one (here or elsewhere) can determine your path for you. Learning to meditate will be a great help. I didn't read Morgana's document but there are two kinds of meditation: passive and active. Passive is the quietly sitting, thinking of nothing. I have a difficult time with that. However, meditation can be done during a repetitive, mindless task like mowing the lawn or mopping your floors. Once you get the hang of clearing your mind of the mundane, you'd be surprised how many answers to questions you didn't even know you asked will pop into your head.

And there's nothing wrong with reading books ... even the fluffy ones. Pick & choose what resonates with you and discard the rest. As someone who didn't find her path until later in life, I can tell you that you need to try all sorts of stuff on for size before you find out what fits.

Above all, don't panic about it! The more you fret, the less open your mind is to the answers out there. PM me if you need to talk.

For purposes of action nothing is more useful than narrowness of thought combined with energy of will.
~ Henri Frederic Amiel

You can access my blog and get autographed copies of my books through my website


#7 Jason

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Posted 16 October 2009 - 01:40 PM

Above all, don't panic about it! The more you fret, the less open your mind is to the answers out there.


I think the above from MW is the best advice you could take. Dont panic.

Just dont pressure yourself into feeling like you have to fit into any predifined path. You will never know yourself by following the rules of others, they can be good pointers and learning tools of course, but they are only guides. Dont put so much pressure on yourself, you cant force these things.

Edited by Jason, 16 October 2009 - 01:43 PM.

He who is illuminated with the Darkest Shadow,
will shine with the Brightest Light

#8 ValarieAnne

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Posted 16 October 2009 - 01:59 PM

Hi Jaimee from another one of the "weird kids". I can empathize with what you are feeling, having been there - directionless - for a good portion of my life.

Get to know yourself and accept yourself for whoever and whatever you are. Sure we all have some shitty stuff about ourselves that we don't like, but its almost the same as liking the apple but hating the skin. You still love eating that apple, but you have to peel it first. Its your true self aside from all the extraneous crap that you have to get to know and like. Things like appearance, or situations or addictions are all stuff that happens sometimes and dont change who or what we are inside.

Meditation is indeed a good thing. Start off easy, even make a list to look at or find a piece of music to listen to or a place that you like to go. I personally let my thoughts run rampant for a little bit before picking out a point that I want to meditate on and clearing my mind. Some of us have minds like your writing - they go everywhichway at one time. You can learn to sort thru it all. It takes time, but can be done.

Im 53 and still sometimes feel directionless and frustrated. I know that I have it in me to be otherwise, but somedays its harder to bring out. I've mentioned in the forum that I feel totally out of time and place, but sometimes I can use that to my advantage. Thats where the meditation, breathing and focus to center youself and settle down come in. It takes a concious effort now and then. You have met like minded people here and you will meet someone who understands you in your life. Don't push for it. Get to know, accept and love you (ok that sounds all barfy and sweet - but its true), before you focus on someone else.

You can PM me too anytime you want.

Edited by ValarieAnne, 16 October 2009 - 02:03 PM.
too many typos!


#9 Greenfeet

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Posted 16 October 2009 - 03:55 PM

Like has been said here, the answers are within yourself. And the journey to discover ourselves takes an entire lifetime- it is an adventure, not a destination. :)

I was always "odd kid" but that is a good thing. Within this odd feeling that often made me feel out of place, it is within that that I found that I have been working on my path long before I realized it. Within this "oddness" has been my interests and strengths all along.

Keeping a journal has really helped me move forward. I write in it anything that strikes me- dreams, visions, thoughts, memories, odd occurances, animal interactions, experiments with plants- whatever interests me. I work on my personal issues, practice different techniques, try new things and see how they feel to me. Bits and pieces started coming together and showing patterns when I read back my journals. I discovered things that were right under my nose, that I had overlooked.

Reading is good, the only problem is when someone looks for all the answers outside of themselves, giving away thier power and thier uniqueness. Even books that talk about stuff that does not ring true for me can be valuable. Sometimes it seems I learn more from the negative reaction I have when reading or experiancing something that does not feel true to me. I look at my feelings and thoughts at the time, and I follow those thoughts to what does feel aunthentic for me.

I read and research through books and online- it is amazing where a google search can take you! I kick back and just follow my thoughts and the thread of relatedness that takes me places I had not thought of. I have discovered some interesting things about the world and about myself following threads of thought through google.

But mostly I give myself time to think about me- my feelings, my needs, my relationships. I might be sitting under a tree, or curled up next to the stove on a rainy winter day. Or I go out and try activites that interest me. Always looking for a way to learn and grow from all experiances of life.

Happy Trails. -GF


#10 SadJamiee

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Posted 16 October 2009 - 06:25 PM

Learn how to use paragraphs.

I had a hard time understanding and reading this...I gave up...it started to give me a headache.


Anjel you hit the nail on the head. thats what happens when i jus let myself go and its extremely frustrating. that was the basic point of that jumbled mess i called a post, trying to get some sort of order goin so i can center and focus. sorry for causing the headache...:hug: i didnt mean to spread the mind fuck.


thanks a bunch ... i apologize for the ridiculous way all of that was presented. like you have all said i have to look within myself and thats what i try to do everyday. i know that where the answers lie. i know in my heart that i will figure out the secret language in myself but it can get jumbled on the way out. thanks for all the suggestions. so i am gonna try the active meditation MW suggested, i think i might try coloring (i dont really think i jus do it) and try the breathing exercises that Morgana linked to.

:thanks:

i'll keep you all posted to how it works out and i will use my formerly forgotten paragraph knowledge to aid in the reading (sorry) :crossfingers:

Jamie

"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before." -
-- Mae West
"It is not my mode of thought that has caused my misfortunes, but the mode of thought of others."
-- Marquis de Sade

#11 sophiadawn

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Posted 17 October 2009 - 04:08 AM

I think you have been given some great advice. I don't do well with passive meditation either...but put me on the lawn mower, pulling weeds, spinning wool, knitting, etc..and I can easily go into the zen mind

#12 Guest_Oakbuchanan_*

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Posted 23 October 2009 - 09:44 AM

Ok, why the hell are you apologising?

I think that is very fucking honest and brave thing to share.. And what exactly did Anjel hit on the head? You dont need to be hammered down just for saying what your feeling once in a while..

I didnt find it that hard to read, I can think of members here whose writing style is rather unique, but has been worth the effort to plough through..

And if your beating yourself up for writing what you think is drivel, then I would suggest you take a look at some of my posts, which may offer you some comfort LMAO..

I think the advice given is decent. In fact I spoke to my Mother in Eire last night and we were talking about something and she said exactly the same thing bout, the acorn and the Oak.. step by step....

But only you can do it, dont expect others to do it for you..x



Anjel you hit the nail on the head. thats what happens when i jus let myself go and its extremely frustrating. that was the basic point of that jumbled mess i called a post, trying to get some sort of order goin so i can center and focus. sorry for causing the headache...:hug: i didnt mean to spread the mind fuck.


thanks a bunch ... i apologize for the ridiculous way all of that was presented. like you have all said i have to look within myself and thats what i try to do everyday. i know that where the answers lie. i know in my heart that i will figure out the secret language in myself but it can get jumbled on the way out. thanks for all the suggestions. so i am gonna try the active meditation MW suggested, i think i might try coloring (i dont really think i jus do it) and try the breathing exercises that Morgana linked to.

:thanks:

i'll keep you all posted to how it works out and i will use my formerly forgotten paragraph knowledge to aid in the reading (sorry) :crossfingers:

Jamie



#13 StarChilde

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Posted 23 October 2009 - 04:59 PM

Ok, why the hell are you apologising?

I think that is very fucking honest and brave thing to share.. And what exactly did Anjel hit on the head? You dont need to be hammered down just for saying what your feeling once in a while..

I didnt find it that hard to read, I can think of members here whose writing style is rather unique, but has been worth the effort to plough through..

And if your beating yourself up for writing what you think is drivel, then I would suggest you take a look at some of my posts, which may offer you some comfort LMAO..

I think the advice given is decent. In fact I spoke to my Mother in Eire last night and we were talking about something and she said exactly the same thing bout, the acorn and the Oak.. step by step....

But only you can do it, dont expect others to do it for you..x



If I read Anjel's post correctly, she wasn't having a go at the content of SadJamiee's post, but at the lack of basic grammar, which simply made the post difficult to read. I had to have several attempts before I got through it, thought I must admit I'm a bit of a spelling/grammar nazi!

As for the content of SadJamiee's post: I'll go along with the suggestions made by others, meditation is a huge help: sometimes it just takes practice, practice and more practice. Meditation, however, is not just sitting/lying still and trying to still the mind, you can meditate in a number of ways, I find I can 'zone' out while I am walking, or watching clouds scurry across the sky. I also find it easy to meditate when I paint.

So, if you have difficulty meditating in the 'accepted' way, try thinking outside the square, and find a method that works for you.

Just because you can, doesn't mean you should

#14 Guest_Oakbuchanan_*

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Posted 23 October 2009 - 06:41 PM

If I read Anjel's post correctly, she wasn't having a go at the content of SadJamiee's post, but at the lack of basic grammar, which simply made the post difficult to read. I had to have several attempts before I got through it, thought I must admit I'm a bit of a spelling/grammar nazi!


Well I thought it was a bit harsh.. When Sadjamiee was writing this post, she was obsiously in a bad place, so the basic bloody grammar rules could have been overlooked for once. I also dont think it was that hard to get through. Did it really take you several attempts? Grammar Nazi! lol Ill be watching your spelling :D


#15 StarChilde

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Posted 24 October 2009 - 04:53 AM

Well I thought it was a bit harsh.. When Sadjamiee was writing this post, she was obsiously in a bad place, so the basic bloody grammar rules could have been overlooked for once. I also dont think it was that hard to get through. Did it really take you several attempts? Grammar Nazi! lol Ill be watching your spelling :D



Glad to hear it! :sunny:

I guess I just grew up in an era when spelling and grammar were considered very important. I still do. Must be showing my age :pumpkin_rolleyes:

Just because you can, doesn't mean you should

#16 Guest_Oakbuchanan_*

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Posted 24 October 2009 - 06:28 AM

Glad to hear it! :sunny:

I guess I just grew up in an era when spelling and grammar were considered very important. I still do. Must be showing my age :pumpkin_rolleyes:


I consider it to be important too!.. Now where is your full stop you? lol


#17 SadJamiee

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Posted 29 October 2009 - 11:14 PM

Oakbuchanan and everyone else that has replied to my post, thanks for the support.

A small update:

When i made this post about 2 weeks ago i was in a really odd place and couldn't get things inside to fit properly. I have begun making changes to myself inside and out and have started by stopping the medication i was taking for the somewhat recently diagnosed ADD. I made the educated choice to stop this to see if that could be adding to the troubles i am having feeling my energies properly. Its been about a week and I'm not having any noticeable difficulties but the great benefit of my vivid dreams returning. The dreams coming back let me know that i made the right decision. I am planing on doing a Detox diet after Samhain to aid in this "house cleaning" for my new year.
So far so good and thanks for all the advice.

:Spider-1:
That me i was looking for is feeling much closer.


"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before." -
-- Mae West
"It is not my mode of thought that has caused my misfortunes, but the mode of thought of others."
-- Marquis de Sade

#18 Tana

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Posted 30 October 2009 - 01:01 AM

Glad to hear it SJ! :applause:
)0( Tana )o(

If I break faith with thee, may the skies fall upon me, the seas drown me, and the earth rise up and swallow me.