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And then the fight started....


Wyrd

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My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, 'What's on TV?'

 

I said, 'Dust.'

 

And then the fight started....

 

******************************************

 

My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we

were in bed. I turned to her and said,

 

"Do you want to have sex?"

 

"No," she answered.

 

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

 

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."

 

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

 

And then the fight started.....

 

******************************************

 

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch,

grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up

to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The

wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the

radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

 

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into

bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and

whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

 

My loving wife of 35 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband

is out fishing in that?"

 

And then the fight started...

 

*****************************************

 

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming

anniversary.

 

She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

 

I bought her a set of scales..

 

And then the fight started....

 

******************************************

 

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...

 

so, I took her to a gas station.

 

And then the fight started....

 

******************************************

 

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social

Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license

to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my

wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would

have to go home and come back later.

 

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing

my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof

enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application

 

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the

Social Security office.

 

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten

disability, too.'

 

And then the fight started....

 

******************************************

 

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I

kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at

a nearby table.

 

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

 

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to

drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she

hasn't been sober since.'

 

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on

celebrating that long?'

 

And then the fight started....

 

******************************************

 

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my

order first. "I'll have the fillet steak, medium rare, please."

 

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

 

Nah, she can order for herself."

 

And then the fight started....

 

******************************************

 

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

 

She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel

horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

 

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

 

And then the fight started......

 

:)

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Between this & finding out the depraved forum does have posts, me & my roomates laughed off stress of having 5 kids under age 6 in the house all day screaming & fighting. While dealing with a cold spell & no heat in the house but 1 space heater.

 

Needed a very good bust your ass laugh after all the stress going on the past few months.

 

Thanks,

Sapphire

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