Wyrd Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.' And then the fight started.... ****************************************** My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And then the fight started..... ****************************************** Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." My loving wife of 35 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?" And then the fight started... ***************************************** My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a set of scales.. And then the fight started.... ****************************************** When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station. And then the fight started.... ****************************************** After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.' And then the fight started.... ****************************************** My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And then the fight started.... ****************************************** I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the fillet steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"" Nah, she can order for herself." And then the fight started.... ****************************************** A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.' And then the fight started...... :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amber Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 Some of these are great... :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lea Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 :roflhard: Thanks!...I really needed this today!... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgana Posted April 8, 2009 Share Posted April 8, 2009 Thanks for the great laugh....:party9:now I need kleenex to wip my eyes!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SapphireMoon Posted April 8, 2009 Share Posted April 8, 2009 Between this & finding out the depraved forum does have posts, me & my roomates laughed off stress of having 5 kids under age 6 in the house all day screaming & fighting. While dealing with a cold spell & no heat in the house but 1 space heater. Needed a very good bust your ass laugh after all the stress going on the past few months. Thanks, Sapphire Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nyxiah Posted April 8, 2009 Share Posted April 8, 2009 HAHAHHAHA nice :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sophiadawn Posted April 8, 2009 Share Posted April 8, 2009 funny! but a couple of those hit a little close to home!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seekingknowledge Posted April 8, 2009 Share Posted April 8, 2009 :happydance: Absolutely hilarious!! ROFL Cheered me up no end. Espesh as I am back to work tomorrow after two superb days with my sproglets. SK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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