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First affair

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.

Exhausted they fell asleep and woke up at 8 pm.

The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them

into the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

Where have you been his wife demanded.

I can't lie to you he replied,

I'm having an affair with my secretary.

We had sex all afternoon.

She looked down at his shoes and said:

You lying bastard

You've been playing golf.


The 2nd Affair

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters

but always talked about having a son.

They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife: Theres no way i can be the father of this baby.

Look at the two beautiful daughters i fathered.

Have you been fooling around behind my back?

The wife smiled sweetly and replied:

No not this time.


The 3rd Affair

A mortician was working late one night.

He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz about to be cremated and made a

startling discovery.

Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen.

I'm sorry Mr Schwartz the mortician commented I can't allow you to be cremated

with such an impressive private part.

It must be saved for posterity.

So he removed it stuffed it into his briefcase and took it home.

I have something to show you, you won't believe he said to his wife opening

his briefcase.

My god the wife exclaimed

Schwartz is dead.


The 4th Affair

A woman was in bed with lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

Hurry she said stand in the corner.

She rubbed baby oil all over him then dusted him with talcum powder.

Don't move until I tell you she said. Pretend you're a statue.

What's this the husband inquired as he entered the room.

Oh it's a statue she replied.

The Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us too.

No more was said not even when they went to bed.

Around 2am the husband got up went to the kitchen and returned with a

sandwich and a beer.

Here he said to the statue have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths

and nobody offered me a damned thing.


The 5th Affair

A man walked into a cafe went to the bar and ordered a beer.

Certainly sir that'll be one cent.

One cent the man exclaimed.

He glanced at the menu and asked How much for a nice juicy steak

and a bottle of wine

A nickel the barman replied.

A nickel exclaimed the man. Where's the guy who owns this place?

The bartender replied Upstairs with my wife.

The man asked Whats he doing upstairs with your wife?

The bartender replied

The same thing I'm doing to his business down here.


The 6th Affair

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly

I have something I must confess

There's no need to his wife replied.

No he insisted, I want to die in peace.

I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother.

I know she replied.

Now just rest and let the poison work.

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