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This is why women should not take men shopping against their will


AnjelWolf

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Shopping with the wife

 

This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

 

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.

Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart:

 

Dear Mrs. Samsel,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

 

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

 

2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

 

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

 

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away. '

 

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

 

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

 

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

 

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him, he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

 

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

 

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

 

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

 

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

 

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

 

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

 

 

And last, but not least .

 

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'

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That actually sounds like something John would do to piss me off!!!

 

Oh yeah...one time my husband actually acted like a toddler in the cereal aisle...ran and picked a box of cereal up and held it while yelling "Mommy! Mommy I want this!!!!!!!! Mommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" while jumping around LOL!

 

I turned around and went down the OTHER aisle!

 

He followed me there too...

 

People were giggling...I was fuming LOL!

 

Looking back at it...I laugh my ass off...

 

He recently pulled a similar stunt with the "Mr. Potato Head" toy over at CVS (drugstore).

 

This time I just laughed LOL!

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I remember 1 yr before we were married, we went to get his sister a bent wood rocker at kmart. There were none on the floor so the kid says come with me and we'll get one from the back. I stayed on the floor and John went in the back, next thing I hear is John....."Hey Honey you should see all the shit paper back here! Could be enough to supply the whole country for 10 yrs!"

 

I was so embarrassed.......but yeah, now I laugh my ass off at it!!!! I'm sure the kid remembers that stupid ass biker too!!!!

 

My kids pull that crap on me in the candy and ice cream aisle. They did it when they were little and now they do it for S&G's!!!!

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My little bit of sick humour. My ex husband is a special special man. I bought him a keychain that says, of all the things I lost, I miss my mind the most, well he was a pain in the grocery store, and I actually hated taking him with me.

 

One day he just kept up his little stuff, cant even remember what it was, he was acting stupid, so I thought, Ok, I can do this, ok SOB. So I hunched over, put one foot in crooked and held my hands up to my chest, and proceeded to follow him around the store, pushing the cart mind u, like a handicapped person. when He noticed, he ran. Id just stand there calling him... DAWNOAD, WHE AWE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU DAWNOAD!!! Ok making and ass of myself. we proceed to go to the meat counter, and Im talking to my youngest, who was a baby then, and he says, quit picking on her, I said, I was tawkin about youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. the last thing he did was he ran, dissapeared and hid from me.... so I went to the customer service desk, asking that they call him, n then grabbed the phone and proceeded to call him myself. DAWNOAD, DIS IS YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU WIFE. COME TO DESK NOW DAWNOAD! WE GOIN HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME DAWNOAD!

 

He never went to the store with me again, nor did he try to make n ass out of me in public. we broke up a couple of years later. still not divorced

 

His name is Donald*

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LMFAO at the joke and at Pagan Mama!!! good on you!!!!!!!

 

My dad used to embarass the hell out of me when we went shopping because a friend of mine worked there and i had a crush on him, so my dad would do this really dorky old man shopping trolley dance.....my god i ran away so much :D

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Guest Varillon

My senior year in college, I had a roommate who was black (I'm white). He was very unique in every respect. Sometimes he'd wear an 8 inch afro, and he was already well over 6 feet. He would yell across campus if it annoyed others. Ask him if he was black, and he'd say, "HELL no. I'm brown!" Just a "full of surprises" kind of person. Well, I found out some people couldn't handle being around him because of his antics even before we were roomies, but fuck! If you're a boring turd with no sense of humor, I cba to deal with you. The Europeans should catch the cba ;)

 

One night we got bored and headed to the Wal-Mart Supercenter, the mecha of small town Arkansas. Yes, we did begin the empire. He and I stroll in the two sets of sliding doors where the little old man nods to us with a smile, and my friend says, "What?! You don't like black people?!"

 

I guess most would have melted on the spot, but I've lived in a half black population all my life. All I could do is look at his face, bow my head, and bust out laughing. He knew I was a friend for life after that.

 

For anyone who doesn't know me well, I'm so anti-racist, I'm probably racist against my own race. Go figure that one out. But seriously, the "black" and "white" was only for the joke.

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