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How to shower


LadyHawk

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HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN

take off clothing and place in a sectioned laundry basket according to lights, darks etc,. walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.If husband /partner is seen along the way, cover up exposed flesh and rush to bathroom. Look at womanly physique in mirror and stick out belly. Complain and whine about getting fat. Get in shower, look for face cloth, long loofah, short wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash hair with cucumber and lamphrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins then condition with matching conditioner which is left on for 15 minutes. Wash face with crushed apricot scub until red raw, then follow with jaffa cake and ginger nut body wash. Rinse hair for ages to make sure conditioner is all out, shave armpits and legs, scream loundly when someone flushes toilet and the water turns red hot. Turn off shower then clean the tiles and dry them. Wrap body in towl the size of a small country and use another on hair. Take half an hour to dry and choose what to wear.

 

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN

take off clothes while sitting on bed and leave them in a pile on floor. Walk naked to bathroom.If wife/partner is seen, shake knob at her while shouting "wa hey". Look in mirror and suck in gut to see manly physique. Admire size of knob in mirror, scratch bollocks and get in shower. Don't bother to look for washcloth, don't need one. Wash armpits and laugh at how loud farts are in the shower. Wash bollocks and surrounding area leaving lots of hair on soap. Use first shampoo that comes to hand, conditioner is for ponces! Piss in shower then rinse off and get out. Fail to notice that the floor is flooded, admire size of knob again leave room with light on and fan running. Return to bedroom with towel round waist, if wife passes, pull off towel, grab knob and go "yeah baby" and thrust pelvis at her. Put on yesterdays clothes.

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Guest Bean Sprite

You forgot the part where he uses your razor to shave his face, then doesn't clean out the sink.:naughty:

Or the famous smaking you with the knob while passing you to the shower making bull whip noises.

Have you been spying on me? This is too true (roflmao).

 

Why do men have to swing their knob around so much? I thought it was just my husband, but it seems to be the norm.

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Guest Tiger Lady

LOL! I was trying to talk to Bean Sprite on the phone this morning and my husband kept running by and swinging it like a lasso. Its really hard to stay serious on a phone conversation when he does that.

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My exH used to do the "peepee dance", where he would stand akimbo and thrust his hips up and down fast, making his pecker slap ...up and down. lol. He was very proud of that dance.

 

:banana: :carrot: :banana: :carrot::banana: :carrot: :banana: :carrot:

 

For all the shit he put me through, at least I have that memory to remind me... I did sometimes laugh. (And also the time he put on my pink and black polka-dotted undies, which couldn't contain him. I love telling that story. Especially in public.)

 

Remember boys... be nice to the person who sees you doing this stuff. Piss them off and the whole world may know.

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Or the famous smaking you with the knob while passing you to the shower making bull whip noises.

 

So glad to know I'm not the only one who has to put up with that! :rofl:

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Don't think it gets any better when they're sick and in the hospital either. I've seen WAY too many "knobs" - complete with catheter sticking out - hanging out of covers for my "viewing pleasure" when I walked into the room. Clumsy nurse that I am, I somehow managed to step on the tubing, giving the nice little knob a yank from the inside. :lol_witch: I also just LOVE the whole nurse-bedbath bullshit that crops up from time to time, but that's for another thread.

 

The exhole did the weinie dance thing, and truth be told it was rather revolting - SO not sexy.

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You must have been watching my husband take a shower! Except you forgot the part where he leaves the wet towel on the bed.

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I dunno V, we must be freaks or something.

I don't do any of that either... ?

 

I mean, I have to hold my member so it doesn't drag on the ground (it hurts like hell when I step on it!!!) but other than that ...... :D

 

lol

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:rofl::rofl::roflhard:

Totally agree with it all, though why men think that their genitals are attractive is beyond me - at least us women have the decency to hide ours :wink:

 

Sod the towel the size of a country mallarky, I prefer to walk around naked....ah the freedom! :biggrin2:

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Guest Varillon
I dunno V, we must be freaks or something.

I don't do any of that either... ?

 

I mean, I have to hold my member so it doesn't drag on the ground (it hurts like hell when I step on it!!!) but other than that ...... :D

 

lol

 

Yeah, I know what you mean. I just wrap mine around behind me and throw it over my shoulder when I have to use the urinal.

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I dunno V, we must be freaks or something.

I don't do any of that either... ?

 

I mean, I have to hold my member so it doesn't drag on the ground (it hurts like hell when I step on it!!!) but other than that ...... :D

 

lol

 

Yeah, I know what you mean. I just wrap mine around behind me and throw it over my shoulder when I have to use the urinal.

 

 

:rofl:

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Guest Rebie

Hey Grym and V, you guys are not freaks. My husband does not act like that either. At least not that I have ever seen.

Rebie

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LOL yep ya'll have been watching my hubby too, that and the knob grab as he passes the doorway of the living room, on his way to the shower. Every single damn night, the dick flip (his words not mine LOL).

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Guest Varillon
Hey Grym and V, you guys are not freaks. My husband does not act like that either. At least not that I have ever seen.

Rebie

 

Grym, it looks like we are ok! I was so scared we had somehow lost our manhood. *Shivers* :omg2:

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Grym, it looks like we are ok! I was so scared we had somehow lost our manhood. *Shivers* :omg2:

 

Yeah, right? I mean, I don't even get undressed until I get in the bathroom.

 

 

I smell a book in the making here - 101 Uses for a Flaccid Phallus.

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Don't think it gets any better when they're sick and in the hospital either. I've seen WAY too many "knobs" - complete with catheter sticking out - hanging out of covers for my "viewing pleasure" when I walked into the room. Clumsy nurse that I am, I somehow managed to step on the tubing, giving the nice little knob a yank from the inside. :lol_witch: I also just LOVE the whole nurse-bedbath bullshit that crops up from time to time, but that's for another thread.

 

The exhole did the weinie dance thing, and truth be told it was rather revolting - SO not sexy.

 

Haha! This reminds me of the time when my husband seized while driving (and ran into, and through, the local grocery store). A few hours later he's in ICU, dopped up on Ativan, and trying to convince me that nobody will notice if I "just hop on". The nurses in the corner of the room looked like they were going to piss all over themselves while we fought.

 

Me: "I'm not just hopping on, the walls are glass!"

Him: "They can't see us. Come on, it's hard!"

Me: "There are two nurses in this room."

Him: "No there ain't."

Me: "Yes, there is, and they're laughing at you! How much Ativan did they give you?!"

 

I don't envy the things you get to see at your job. :lolol:

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Haha! This reminds me of the time when my husband seized while driving (and ran into, and through, the local grocery store). A few hours later he's in ICU, dopped up on Ativan, and trying to convince me that nobody will notice if I "just hop on". The nurses in the corner of the room looked like they were going to piss all over themselves while we fought.

 

Me: "I'm not just hopping on, the walls are glass!"

Him: "They can't see us. Come on, it's hard!"

Me: "There are two nurses in this room."

Him: "No there ain't."

Me: "Yes, there is, and they're laughing at you! How much Ativan did they give you?!"

 

I don't envy the things you get to see at your job. :lolol:

 

Bwahahahahahahahahahahha!!! :rofl:

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