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True Story


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Setting: A non-emergent walk-in clinic and a dr.'s office, 10 minutes before closing.

Characters: 64 year old male patient

                     :Tired MA

MA, leading patient into room for assessment by physician, begins to take patient history:

 " Tell me what brings you in today"

Patient: "I hit my head"

MA: "When did you hit your head?"

Patient: "Today"

MA: "When today?"

Patient: "At around 6 a.m. My dog was in the house, the neighbor was warming up her car, my truck is red, I don't like bananas so..."

MA, politely bringing patient back on topic: "How did you hit your head?"

Patient: "Well, about 4 months ago my brother-in-law went and saw that Top Gun movie, and he bought these cool sunglasses..."

MA, once again trying to bring the conversation back to Earth: "Cool, how did you hit your head?"

Patient: "The ice."

MA: "The ice?"

Patient: "Yeah."

MA, sensing that no more info was forthcoming: "You hit your head on the ice? Did you fall?"

Patient: "Yeah."

MA: "So, you fell down and hit your head on the ice? Tell me about that."

Patient: "I fell down and hit my head on the ice."

MA, grateful he is wearing a mask so that his frustration isn't visually apparent: "OK, Did you fall on your back, or your side or..."

Patient: "Yeah."

MA: "Yeah...what?"

Patient: "I fell down on the ice and hit my head."

MA, changing direction in the hopes learning something useful: "Did you lose consciousness?"

Patient: "Oh yeah."

MA: " You did? How long?"

Patient: " I got knocked out boy, went down like a sack of concrete."

MA: "How long were you out?"

Patient: "A while. Then I threw up and went to work."

MA: "You went to work?"

Patient: "Yeah, I'm dizzy as hell, and my ears are still ringing."

MA: "Where do you work?"

Patient: "I drive a school bus, that's why I'm here so late."

MA: "Oh! Let me get the doctor."

Patient: "I don't need a doctor, I just need someone to tell me if I should go to the ER."



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This was posted on Facebook years ago, by my daughter. 

My mom's day: Go to work, find that the client has left the state & forgot to tell you. Go to the store, realize at front of line you forgot half of what you needed, get back out of line. Fight traffic back to Aurora, run out of gas. Fill gas can, discover keys are locked in car. Get back home, where asshole cat nearly takes out eye jumping on face. Hit head on counter while feeding cats. Give up & go to bed.

This is a true story from 2010. I was doing private duty nursing for a retired uranium miner who had a habit of taking off to Arizona. Our long haired black cat, Angel, was still with us. I dug his claw sheath out of my face, right below my eye, with great difficulty.  My mission in life, seems to be hitting my head on whatever is available. 

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