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Affair prediction


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#21 StJohn

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Posted 02 August 2019 - 03:53 PM

You can't fix other people, you can only fix yourself.

 

Mental illness can explain some shitty behaviors but it doesn't excuse it. You can understand where someone's coming from without condoning the decisions they've made.

 

but my subconscious feeling is I'm going to separate from him eventually

 

Mental abuse is just as damaging and having a mental illness is no excuse for abusive behaviour.

 

you need to think about your own life and safety

 

"It's like setting yourself on fire to keep the other person warm."

 

You are responsible for yourself, exactly where your individual flesh ends. You are not him. Ergo, you are not responsible for him. The same amount of space you afford him and carve out for him is the same amount of space you are entitled to. And it sounds like your subconscious isn't telling you what will happen. It's telling you what you want to do already.

 

I hope you are safe right now and that you're pulling yourself out of this situation.


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#22 Hunter

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Posted 13 August 2019 - 06:55 PM

Yes STJohn, I'm settled in my boat now with my animals. So we have seperated to a degree. He has improved due to the seperation of spaces. I've thought a lot since making this post & I am in agreement.

Although there have been improvements from myself reading relationship books, loving & respecting him more, it does not seem like a normal future as a couple is likely due to his eccentric behaviour even though I know he loves me. I am simply acting, I do not feel the way I believe I should about him for if he was the right man then I would feel differently.

I already know I am better than this, however, I must stick it out for the time being to become independant on my own. If I leave now, I'll be choosing to return to what I came from & I am not prepared to do that. I have a rough past & I'm moving on, I'm not going back there. Currently I am meeting my own goals & so is he, we may not be compatible, however as friends we make a good team. The reason I do not leave is I'm on disability benefits & I cannot get anyone else to help me fix up my little old boat which after living out of a tent for a year homeless, I love the lifestyle & it's sustainable for me financially.

I am merely trying my hardest for this time period to be as beneficial & progressive for both of us as possible. Do not worry, I already know I owe him nothing & he owes me nothing either. It's 50/50 currently & his mood has much improved. It would appear that he has severe issues with communication from his abusive past & so do I from mine.

I can promise you, if he lays a finger on me then I'm gone. I've done this blame-game before with an ex, I'm no novice.

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Nature is complicated. There are no "rules" & it's only when we understand that that we can truly grow to appreciate it.