Posted 08 May 2019 - 03:00 PM
Well, now it's predicting an affair... I've gone over it multiple times the past 3 days & it's throwing the same cards out at me. I even took pictures so I could go back & check them.
Long story short, my ex "friend" who I was very close to met another woman who has stopped him speaking to me recently. Respecting their happiness I have obviously not contacted him at all, he blocked me on facebook, whatsapp etc to keep her happy. We used to chat pretty much every day, but we live 100 miles apart so nothing ever came of the "friendship."
My boyfriend I have been with for over a year & I really care about him. He has type 2 bipolar disorder which leads to him having drastic moods swings... I have in the past experienced him smashing things etc when he's angry. We are living together temporarily due to codependancy more than actually wanting to, but despite this we do get on very well & I do love him because he does support me & he does try very hard to control his bipolar disorder which swings between mania & depression.
This other guy, he's been around for 5 years... I've had a poor background though involving homelessness etc whilst I knew him. He however supported me both financially (I always paid him back though) & emotionally during this period after I left my previous boyfriend (who I was with for 6 years, he was sadly abusive to both physically & emotionally.)
I met my current boyfriend, but stayed friends with this guy... unfortunately I made the mistake of sharing with him how my current boyfriend was acting. He told me to leave him, I refused & explained that I couldn't. I have an illness & I am fixing up my boat to live on. My friend asked "how long will that take?" to which I responded "I don't know."
Well, I don't, I wasn't lying. I could probably predict it now, but I couldn't then.
So, he decided I was a lost cause anyway & cut me off because of his new girlfriend.
Me & my boyfriend, I want to work on our relationship. But my predictions keep reading as no matter the level of work I put into our relationship, the outcome will still be the same.
It's been predicting my "friend" contacting me, a future fight or argument between me & my boyfriend & me seeing someone without the knowledge of my boyfriend or at least getting emotionally involved... I don't want that, it's not the type of person that I am.
My boyfriend is very temperamental + moody when he's depressed & I cannot lie, if we didn't need to then we wouldn't be living together. Most nights I sleep on the couch & he sleeps in the bed just because we don't feel that close. He knew about my friend all along & his moods were never related to that, he's just always been like it.
I want to try & change this. I've tried in the past & whilst I've always made some progress, it stops working as soon as my boyfriend falls into depression = then he just hates everything. Me, our dogs, our life... Nothing works at cheering him up during those times & it's his bipolar cycling. Whilst he's never lifted a finger towards me he did burn the Christmas tree on Christmas day because he was angry because I needed picking up from work on Christmas day, he overslept & we had an argument. I couldn't afford a taxi & I walked the 7 miles home from my job after working a 13 hour night shift.
Thankfully I'm not working that job anymore & he has been less stressed, but our relationship is still far from perfect. I think my friends new relationship is very happy, at least I hope so. However when I did a prediction for himself & his girlfriend it states their relationship will end due to her jealousy & boredom, lack of seeing eye-to-eye etc & then he may contact me. T=he thing is right now I feel like I don't care if he does or not. I'm focused on my own life & I just want to be happy & successful. It's not about the man.
Now with the cards, they give insights to our lives. We deal them intuitively & I trust my own energy, I just don't like what I'm seeing. I don't want to get hurt either physically or emotionally. If my friend contacts me I'm not planning on reinstating our friendship to the level it was previously, I want to work on my current relationship because despite our differences I do care about my current boyfriend & I have a choice. We do not have kids & I wouldn't even consider them now, but we do have a life together.
My "friend" I think resents me for the choices I made, but he accepted that it was just my life & moved on. Towards the end he stated we had no "connection" etc like he does with this new woman, so I don't see why he would come back.
I'm not blind & I know I probably hurt him, but that's life. Shit happens. I tried explaining to him my background (rough unfortunately), I just don't see things the same way as he does. Everything's not always black & white. I love both men, but just differently. Both men have their good & bad qualities.
So long post, but there you are. I'm planning on working on my relationship for the forseeable future, but if things go to shit with my boyfriend like that then I'll be cutting my losses & leaving.
I've been getting the same or similar cards over & over, no matter what the spread.
I didn't used to believe in tarot, I thought I was crap at it until I began learning about it properly.
So yes, divination is worth learning because it gives you insights into situations you never even considered.
Posted 08 May 2019 - 11:13 PM
You really have been going through a lot lately, just one little piece of advice, You can't fix other people, you can only fix yourself. Glad your enjoying your tarot deck. It is awesome when you find a deck that really speaks to you.
Posted 09 May 2019 - 12:53 AM
Posted 09 May 2019 - 03:26 AM
You say you want happiness and success, it's not about the man, but then talk about how you want your happiness and success to manifest in your relationship with your man?
It's a lot of energy to put into a person and honestly I think your concerns are legitimate. Mental illness can explain some shitty behaviors but it doesn't excuse it. You can understand where someone's coming from without condoning the decisions they've made. Forgiveness has its place, I mean my own mental illness has influenced me to behave not too appropriately at times but really, a pattern of violent outbursts in your lover isn't something where you can just wait and see what happens...
What exactly are your boundaries in your various relationships? How do you react when they're being pushed and how do you wish you'd react? I think your tarot sessions would be more fruitful if you analyzed your end of relationships instead of worrying over what horrible thing they're going to do to you or what horrible thing you're going to do back to them.
Goodness, if you know in your heart you're not going to cheat (emotionally or otherwise) then shouldn't that be that? Life and health is unpredictable, you only have control over what you have control over. If you don't know what exactly that is, maybe your deck does?
Posted 10 May 2019 - 01:58 PM
It sounds like a really hard situation, and I am really sorry you are having to go through it. As someone diagnosed with Bipolar (or Schizo-affective Disorder, depending on the doctor/time) and who has quite a bit of experience in MH, I just wanted to add that if he is still swinging wildly between mania and depression then he could probably be doing more about it. I'm not sure what he's on medication-wise or what he is doing outside that, but it can be important for the person to recognise in themselves what helps. You say he falls into Depression where he hates everything and nothing can cheer him up, but if this is happening over and over again then he needs to be looking at what can help to stop those times being as severe. Does he exercise enough? Does he get enough sunlight exposure? Does he take medication as prescribed? (If yes, and it's not working, he needs to go back to the Dr.) Could he try therapy or learn some techniques to manage these moods better? Does he know his triggers? All of these things and more need to be looked at and adjusted if his swings are extreme. It's can be a very long road, I truly know that, but it is possible to be much more stable than you are describing - even for many people who have more severe Bipolar. Both men sound quite unstable and I think the above posters have given some good advice re boundaries etc.
I'd also say, sometimes we are too involved in a situation to read clearly for ourselves. Perhaps look if there could be any possibility this is happening?
Posted 10 May 2019 - 02:18 PM
What I do know right now is that things could certainly be better... he has made steps to improve his bipolar in the past & his lifestyle (hoarder, etc) but I just feel like I'm unhappy with the relationship obviously due to his mental health... At the same time I hate to judge someone for a mental health condition or disability, my own younger brother is severely mentally disabled & my mother was bipolar to. Sadly I left home at 13 due to her mood swings, chronic depression & temper (the exact problem my boyfriend has). Her condition escalated into abuse though, both physical & emotional towards myself & my brother.
So my view of the situation is that all I can do is support him & see how things go. I do love him, but his issues really aaffect the quality of our relationship. We do not have sex & when we do I do not feel as good about it as I should. We do not even sleep together & rarely show each other any affection because he is always either depressed & doesn't want anything near him or manically working.
Our communication is attrocious, he just sees any suggestions of change in the relationship as additional "stress". He is probably the only man I've ever met who gets stressed so much. He even gets stressed if I roll onto the wrong side of the bed whilst I'm asleep or sit on the wrong side of the sofa because there's no "order" to what I am doing according to him. He tells me to just pick a side & stick to it.
He's so picky about things like that that it does border abuse or at least red flags it which makes me very wary of the relationship in the future. I do love him, but you know what they say, without trust there cannot be a relationship.
He's good in many ways that he does everything for me & he does express concern. He's not controlling in other ways, he never stops me going out, doing what I like, speaking to friends, we go shopping together etc.
However, this is the catch - I have witnessed him smashing things up (doors etc) when he's been angry, witnessed him throwing things, he shouts a lot when he's angry & breaks thing, doesn't care about consequences, etc... Not sure if that's something I want to live waiting for, mental health issues or not.
On the plus side he's never been physical towards me & says he never would.
So I'm very on the fence with the situation, that's why I've been consulting the tarot, but my subconscious feeling is I'm going to separate from him eventually if things don't change (without an affair).
Posted 10 May 2019 - 05:38 PM
You cannot help rolling onto the wrong side of the bed while you are asleep. Honestly, I was married to an abusive man and everything was my fault. You don't have to hit someone to be abusive. Mental abuse is just as damaging and having a mental illness is no excuse for abusive behaviour. The more I hear about your problems, the more I think you should leave. Sorry to sound so harsh but you need to think about your own life and safety, at least have an exit strategy, a place you can go to, some money put away, maybe a small suitcase with a few clothes in it for an over nighter at a friends house.
I am glad you are talking about this, it is a hard subject to deal with. Is there a Women's center near you, they can tell you what options are available in your area.
Posted 10 May 2019 - 09:04 PM
Pay attention to your emotions when things flare up. Say he communicates that he wants you to pick a certain side of the sofa: is he demanding it or asking kindly? Did the way he ask make you feel small, objectified, or is it no big deal to accommodate his need for things a certain way? I mean if he's joking with you in the morning over coffee and toast that you slept in an odd way last night, I can see that being a playful exchange. If he's waking you up, raging at you, thinking you're out to get him or whatever, the emotions you're feeling will be completely different. Acknowledge your emotions, even if you feel you can't express them. In fact, if you feel you can't express them, that's most definitely a red flag.
Reaching out to your support system (or building it from the ground up, Onyx mentioned Women's Centers, also any organization related to domestic violence, or even a community health center) can be enormously inspiring. Some places will help you one-on-one, so maybe someone would be your soundboard for whether something that's happened is acceptable behaviour or not. Other places will be more casual, hang-out and drink coffee kind of deal (can you tell I'm drinking coffee right now haha).
I like to think of the Hanged Man's shift in perspective. Being around an emotionally abusive person will deaden you, numb you, you will give more and more until there's nothing left and even then they'll want more. They'll literally define your reality, or else. Being around healthy and supportive relationships, IMO, literally unbends the warping of your perspective that occurs from emotional abuse. Plenty of kickass (and even magical) people out there dedicating their work to supporting people through tough times.
I remember thinking, at least he's not punching me, when I thought about how pissed I was that my ex would pinch me when he was mad. Now I look back and think about how pinching was by no means the worst thing he did, and that even if it was I didn't deserve to be pinched, wtf.
Posted 10 May 2019 - 10:54 PM
As for his mood when he tells me these things, it's the gritted teeth "I shouldn't have to tell you this, you should already know it" mood. Like he's holding back losing his temper.
To be frank, regardless I'm sticking it out. My boat costs in 6 months what a flat costs in just a month so it's easily affordable. When I was in housing I was constantly being moved on due to ill health naking me unable to pay my rent & bills. It was far worse & much more stressful. I love living in the country on a boat.
Just saying, I've lived outside of general society for several years now & I've no intention of going back to it because it just isn't worth it.
Posted 10 May 2019 - 11:09 PM
8 of cups + Knight of Swords
5 of Swords + 8 of Swords
The Lovers + 10 of Pentacles
9 of Cups + Queen of wands
3 of Wands + Justice
4 of Pentacles + 3 of Swords
Am I seeing this right, or am I missing something?
I mean, there's 78 cards here, even with 12 used that leaves 66. The cards I keep getting are all related to travel, my friendship ending, my boyfried etc... But if I change the question the cards change, although the overall meaning & outcome is the same each time.
It's quite freaky. 78 cards & I keep pulling the same 25 or so in answer to my questions. Yes I am shuffling well, but it's just the deck.
Posted 11 May 2019 - 06:46 PM
The failures of systems of care saddens but never surprises. On the bright side, you sound like a pirate now hehe I admire your flexibility!
So you've got six pairs of cards but you haven't provided specific ideas on how they apply to your travel or relationships. What is the gist of your questions that produced these readings? What's your responses to each card?
If you feel like spitballing, I'm happy to bounce ideas around with you
Posted 12 May 2019 - 05:37 PM
If you are getting the same cards over and over that usually means you are asking the same question over and over again. Maybe a change of decks would be helpful, like using an oracle deck for a change.
Posted 13 May 2019 - 10:27 AM
I'm so sorry, that sounds so tough. Really glad you're working on the Boat and have that to look forward to in the future.
Onyx and ThreeCircleTarot have already asked/suggested what I was going to re Questions and layout/spread or change of deck. The last thing I'd ask is what deck are you using currently? I tend to have different responses to the cards in decks, so for me the meaning of The Chariot in one deck might be a bit different to the meaning in another. It's difficult to say without the question and spread/layout but it doesn't immediately strike me as an affair just from those cards. Which ones particularly seemed that way to you? Could The Lovers and 10 of Pentacles be describing your choice to move to the boat and the comfort/security that will provide?
Posted 22 May 2019 - 06:02 PM
I've tried rewording the questions & I asked different questions related to my future, my friends future, my boyfriends etc to get a clearer picture of what was going on. From what I can gather my "friends" relationship is going to have a bounce due to her & him not seeing eye-to-eye long-term, possibly leading to breakup & he's goint to contact me for an ego-boost & closure on how he was before. Long story short, he's going to try & renew the friendship.
As for my current relationship, nothings really changed.
I've been working on my relationship as a whole & my boyfriend is trying to. Things have been great recently I'm pleaased to report & I've been focusing on myself to. I do not think my boyfrineds past behaviour was because he wa abusive, it seems more like he felt that I was emotionally elsewhere with my friend & he couldn't change that which must have hurt him a lot. Since I've made steps to improve our relationship without telling him things have changed. But the cards are still reading what they were before. By including the oracle cards they just become more specific. I do get mentions of travel & other related things, but the sole storyline seems to be this weird mystic love triangle or quadruple if you include my friends girlfriend, although apparently she might be out of the picture in the future anyway.
The past history with my friend was I hurt him badly when I got with my current BF. He hung around for a year as a friend, but he wanted me to leave my BF & I wouldn't because it would have meant putting myself in a worse position that probably wouldn't have benefited me in the long run. For the sake of making one man 10 miles away happy, it just wasn't worth it.
I'll update on how the new cards go. Maybe I'll get some different answers.
Posted 23 May 2019 - 02:32 AM
Still getting the same answers anyway to my questions even with these new cards.
Posted 16 June 2019 - 05:22 PM
Posted 16 June 2019 - 07:41 PM
I gotta say, I love your tartan blanket or tablecloth, whatever it is under your cards. My Mum gave me a whole bunch of tartan cloths she had made for a Robbie Burns Day party.
I use them for my Altar Cloth. They remind me of her.
I'm glad you got your answer to the cards!
Posted 18 June 2019 - 03:39 PM
That being said; I’ve noticed in divination (especially with tarot) the cards are only giving you a premise to continue a story based on right now. It is an outcome based on the current situation if the trajectory isn’t changed. You can choose to not talk to this person and avoid that outcome. Nothing is set in stone. If you choose to change the story the cards are helping you tell, you can avoid the outcome they’ve given you. You remember those old “choose your own ending” books? Same concept...in my opinion.
Posted 18 June 2019 - 05:14 PM