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DandelionThorn

Advice for the correct type of spell (relationship related)

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I'm in a long distance relationship.  I've looked into relationship improvement spells but most of them assume monogamy, in a way that makes me uncomfortable because we are polygamous.   I meet is wife first in fact and she is completely aware of me.  I've visited twice with her knowledge and while she was there, she also has a long distance relationship.  So that is some background on why I feel uncomfortable with the monogamy in a spell, I respect her dearly and I'm protective of her. 

 

The reason I want to do some energy work is the silly man is not good at communicating at times.  I'm 38 years old and I feel like a teenager right now, but I'd rather look foolish then mess with the relationship between my SO and his wife.  I was thinking an uncrossing spell might fit, but so many suggestions say to use stuff I just can't afford to go out and buy.  I have 2 dollar store "7 day candles" I was hoping one of them might work.   I just want him to open up with me again, whatever the truth may be.  I just want to clear the blockage in our communication.  I feel strongly that it is both of us, and I have a strong idea of what it is on both our sides.   I'd like to send good loving energy to him and to help me feel that I've never felt his has failed me, words haven't been enough to calm the fears that he is failing me, and I'd like to send positive energy to replace the negative and the fears.

 

I've been going by intuition with my other spells (just a few so far) but I feel out of my depth now.

 

Thank you for reading my three am ramblings, I'll end this post with some things I've seen suggested that I do own if that helps with advice.

 

Rose Quarts, malachite, tigers eye, Hermite, obsidian, mahogany obsidian (heart shaped), a plastic jar, (2) white 7 day candles, some chime spell candles, white votive and tea lights, and some herbs those are cheap enough that I could just buy some as long as it isn't to many.  I have some other crystals but i think those might be the relevant ones.

 

 

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Hello Dandelion thorn,

 

In my experience long distance relationships particularly with more than to people can be demanding. Those demands seem to be trust, devotion, courage, and respect. As well as a strong connection and emotional interaction. Along with the understanding that a good portion of life is location. So in separation time should be balanced. All parties also need to feel these reflected to maintain a health relationship.

Now, my experience may not be the same as yours. However, if you feel that statement holds for you I would first look to see if that's what your giving and getting. If not you may consider working on that first. There are workings to bypass a healthy relationship, but then I find your just gluing a it together with witchcraft. That can be harder in the end, often turning into something else quickly.

 

We don't know each other well enough yet for me to know how you work. I also try not to put to much direct workings in guest areas. However, some of this might helpful.

 

For someone not openly communicating. Rose quartz can be good if you work with crystals. I've found it good for stimulating emotional communication. All Heal(Prunella vulgaris) is my plant of choice for getting someone to open up or be more talkative. Without being to controlling. I don't know about where you are but here it will be free, growing as a weed in about a month or so. If you work with animals, crows are often the popular pick for communication work. I also wouldn't over look coyote for that kind of work. They are experts at long range communication and coordination.

 

As for staying close at a distance sympathetic work seems the obvious choice. I find the biggest issue with long distance relationships is missing the subtle shifts in emotion and energy. All of those unspoken things there may not be words for. Multiple objects made one and kept in sight in respective bedrooms(where you sleep) can be as good as sitting next to someone. It can also build a well for focused energywork. Two shards of clear quartz(any in a pinch) can be worked into a nice energy bridge. Obsidian also has a way of being everywhere at once so is good for only one side putting the work in. Migrating birds particularly nesting water fowl also tend to be good for this kind of work.

 

I hope that helped at all. I tried to focus on stone and energywork. Your post made it seem like that might be a strength for you.

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Hi DandelionThorn. I’m another polyamorous witch in a long-distance relationship, and the first thing I would ask is, what mundane communication have you done with your fella to address this? I highly agree with PapaGheny, it’s important to make sure you’re not gluing an unhealthy relationship together with witchcraft; especially in poly where communication is paramount. If you think it’s a temporary block, or caused by something external, it makes sense. But if this is an intrinsic part of who he is, magic is going to be like throwing a band aid on a broken arm.

 

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@PapaGheny

 

Thank you, we have been together for 3 years now, he has done well at earning my trust.  I'll sometimes feel his love for me so strongly, and he will know just when I need something to help me smile in others. 

 

@Duchess

 

Thank you, that last point about throwing a band aid on a broken arm, made a good point.  I need to look into the nervous energy I'm feeling and do more self work instead of trying to throw magic at the relationship itself when after that I may keep feeding nervous energy into it, because I haven't let go of something.  We mostly talk though text messages nearly every day.  I guess what is stirring me up is when he is grumpy instead of risking taking out his mood on someone else he just stops talking, which is just how he is.  Thankfully his vacation is coming up soon and that will help. 

 

Back to my self work, then.  Since my insecurities that i had before him are still around, of course that is going to mess things up and mess with my ability to feel things clearly when we are so far away.

 

I really appreciate both your responses!

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