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Georgina

Secrecy

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I have been so open about my identity and experiences in my IRL life that it's a bit ridiculous. I've spoken about such personal and unspeakable experiences so many times, with people who were not meant to hear them, and who I barely know. In this way I have made many mistakes, and have certainly undermined myself left and right, and painted myself into a corner. Learning to keep my mouth shut, it seems, is one of my life's lessons. I suppose I have been so open out of a desire for connection, and also perhaps out of a desire to teach and share what I know. However, I have not benefited from any of that. Being raised during the advent of the online world (I was 5 when we got a computer in the house and was not even 10 when I was on the internet, with free reign), I grew up in a reality where I was sharing my most intimate thoughts and feelings on online journals, and was along for the ride when Myspace and Facebook became a thing. Besides, I have a few years under my belt of on and off living in my vehicle, which puts one in a situation where, very literally, I have had to "have nothing to hide." Living a private life is not something that I am practiced in, but I am finding that I am doing my best to make the change into doing that as much as I can. Nevertheless, I cannot take back how open I have been with my experiences, and so I have to be ready at all times for the consequences of having done so. I often wonder what the long term story is for me, and why I have been led to expose things that it seems a lot of people here would be horrified at my sharing, or at least tell me that I screwed myself over. Yet, it's what I have been led to do. For example, I was told never to show anyone one of my tattoos...but in order to pay my bills, I had to become a nude figure model. Situations like that: for survival, I have been forced into talking, exposing, etc. I have been told by elders that there is no precedent whatsoever for my path.

 

I have never had direct contact with any otherworldly guides, as far as I know, but my understanding is that I probably have offended them due to my openness, having disobeyed the universal rule to "not talk about it." Thus, I am not certain that I have found what really works for me, and it may take me years more of not talking about it outside of trusted people, to even get back to a baseline. Just feeling my way through totally uncharted territory. I have tried to make myself feel better about it by reassuring myself about my beliefs about determinism, and sort of an "akashic records" perspective, wherein information about everything that has happened in the universe is accessible to anyone at any time, so it really doesn't matter if I have talked about it or not. I try not to beat myself up about it, but, am working on changing, because again, my openness hasn't provided me any benefit. Perhaps in the years to come, there will be beneficial effects from it, but it's time for me to put less effort into sharing, and more into just living my life. Hard to do, as someone with a very strong Leo signature. Certainly that has been a huge part of what has driven me to "perform" myself in the way that I have. I also have very strong connections with Fox medicine, which is a dualistic energy. On the one hand, Fox is flamboyant, and out of necessity, has to appear in many places, and show off. On the other hand, Fox has to hide itself, and completely disappear. So, I am learning more about the "completely disappearing" side.

 

I do often wish that I had not been led to be so open. It puts me in a very awkward position. I've taken many steps back as far as my public openness, and have made an effort to become more anonymous, and am seeing where it goes. Either way, anyone who has already seen or heard about me, knows, and of course, the government has access to everything that any of us have done on the internet. I am starting to see why this world has been so secretive for so long. Others' secrecy has made me feel angry and left-out before, and I think that's part of why I have been so open: to attract like-minded people. It hasn't accomplished that, though. So, trying a different approach. Of course, even by discussing this on here, I'm being open. Well, like I said, this is where being open has brought me, but I am taking more of a "let them come to me" approach and seeing where it leads me, whereas in the past, I bought BIG TIME into the common advice, "put yourself out there." I am finding that is a load of bullshit, though. Putting myself out there has made me into a target, and so, I feel as though I have to start over... but I cannot. I can only move forward, and do my best to change my methods.

Edited by phantasmagoria

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My husband knows I'm witchy and do Tarot, and has said he's fine with me being as Pagan as I wanna be, but - he doesn't know all of it.  He's a complete materialist, doesn't believe in magic, and it would be awkward to try to talk to him about it, because his mind is made up.  Most of my kids know I'm pagan, but we don't discuss the details.  I have three friends that know I'm a witch, because they do witchy things, too. and we've shared a bit.  I have been to one semi-local witchy Hecate ritual where everyone was a witch of some stripe, but I haven't visited again.  I keep journals on tarot readings and other things, but don't share them.  So I guess I'm mostly in the broom closet, and plan to stay there, as I don't trust other folks enough to not give me grief over it.  Plus, in this country, there are large pockets of bigotry, and the way things are going politically, there's no way to know how knowledge like that might be used against you later.  Also, I have a very insane ex who says things like it's mandatory to put family members to death who have "strayed from the path of holiness."  Mostly he's a big bag of hot air, but he's just crazy enough I don't want to tempt him to look me up out of a feeling that he's somehow responsible for my soul.  

 

I would say you folks on here know more about the details of my practice than anyone else.  

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I'm a pretty secretive person. I'd say only a handful of people I know in person know I'm a witch, and none of them knows what that entails for me. Given my work situation, living situation, etc. it would probably be unsafe for me to publically be a witch, given the prejudice against non-christians in these here parts.

 

In the long run? I'm probably going to keep it that way. I think a lot of my practice veers into some morally questionable territory and I don't want to expose the world to that in broad daylight, and I certainly don't want anyone to interfere with my work.

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I don't know why people have to be so judgeing, it is not their life. Frankly we don't need that one little bit.

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I don't know why people have to be so judgeing, it is not their life. Frankly we don't need that one little bit.

 

I think it's because few people truly have the courage of their convictions.   So the way they make themselves feel better about their chosen path is to disparage others' paths.  If everyone else is "wrong" then they can pretend that proves that they are "right."  

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I can definitely relate on the subject of secrecy. For me, it's like showing my artwork (which I actually managed to do just now on this site)-- I feel like a piece of me is being shared with the outside world, and that is difficult for me; not because I am afraid of what other people will think (screw them if they can't handle it), but because it makes me feel naked almost. It's a comfort zone thing. Regarding witchcraft specifically, I have only told those closest to me because I don't feel it's necessary for the whole world to know my life. My mom knows, I think she told my dad but I'm pretty sure he has forgotten lol. And my best friends know. That's pretty much it.

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I think it's because few people truly have the courage of their convictions.   So the way they make themselves feel better about their chosen path is to disparage others' paths.  If everyone else is "wrong" then they can pretend that proves that they are "right."

I think you are right on that!

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I can definitely relate on the subject of secrecy. For me, it's like showing my artwork (which I actually managed to do just now on this site)-- I feel like a piece of me is being shared with the outside world, and that is difficult for me; not because I am afraid of what other people will think (screw them if they can't handle it), but because it makes me feel naked almost. It's a comfort zone thing. Regarding witchcraft specifically, I have only told those closest to me because I don't feel it's necessary for the whole world to know my life. My mom knows, I think she told my dad but I'm pretty sure he has forgotten lol. And my best friends know. That's pretty much it.

 

I hear you on the showing off your Art fear, I'm afraid that a lot of artist's feel that way. Of course, showing your family will always get praise, the real terror is entering an Art competition and being critiqued by a professional.

Just remember that it is only "their" opinion. It takes bravery to show you Art! Good for you!

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It its because our art is a visual tangible translation of what is in our deepest places and so it carries an emotional attachment.  With enough practice, we can still keep that attachment, but dismiss any negative reactions we get from other people as background noise.  As Witchcraft is an art that non-practitioners seem to have opinions on, we have the same reservations.

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Art or witchcraft, we have to do it to please ourselves and not for others. If the others like it too, then that is great.

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I blend in pretty nicely without anyone prying too much.  I've lived in a lot of places and my level of openness about my spiritual beliefs varies depending on how safe it seems to me. 

 

Witches are still persecuted, occult information is always being censored, and historical truths give people cognitive dissonance. Nothing will probably ever change this, and "forced morality" based on religion, or a lack thereof, is always a tyranny that can be just around the corner.

 

I have no doubts that the local church congregations would love to lock me up in a mental ward or worse just for the various blasphemies I commit every day, thankfully it's none of their damn business what I'm doing.

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The church should start watching their own, instead of looking at us. More crimes have been committed in the name of God, than have ever been done by one of us.

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Candle is for my Daughter in Law, She is a real Skull lover!

Me too :)

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The church should start watching their own, instead of looking at us. More crimes have been committed in the name of God, than have ever been done by one of us.

Sadly it is more than crimes in meaning of crime. Church condemns everyone in a row who does not support their view. I purposely wrote a view, not a religion, because they themselves had long been lost in the religious jungle.

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This is the way of many religions.  Early in the process they depart from the good of the many to serve the power of the few.  They become predatory quickly and once that happens and those in power are well entrenched, it is impossible to alter it's destructive course.

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Too true, Sagefire! There are always wolves in sheep's clothing, predatory priests. I'm glad I did not have to endure any of that. But I know some that have.

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I grew up in a Roman Catholic household and never had to endure anything like that either.  I just find the structure of the doctrine and the brainwashing insidious and disturbing.

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I was grown in opposite believes. One of my Grannies was very religious, protestant. Another one was complete pagan. She teatched me yhe song when I was 3 years old, it was about; whoever you call the gloomy bells from the woven temples over here, for free you call me, for free, I will not go there...

Song is in Latvian, it is just my poor translation.

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My Mum and Dad went to church every Sunday, Scottish Presbyterian, so no frilly stuff going on there. I got out of it by bribing my Mum, saying I would cook Sunday Dinner for her. And that is how I learned to cook.

And probably why I'm a little Heathen.

Edited by Onyx

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