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#1 Jessie

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Posted 05 April 2016 - 05:17 AM

I am brand new here and somewhat new to witchcraft.  That said, my whole life I've felt there was something different about me.  I've always been able to sense people's true motives/feelings, and if I am not careful can absorb people energies.  Lots of other things that have drawn me along the way.  Wicca never appealed to me and I've just done my own thing.  In hindsight I can see how I've used spells without really knowing that's what I was doing at the time.  :-)  I'm really new though to formally learning about traditional witchcraft but it really seems 'right' for me.

 

Anyway, to my current situation.  Almost 3 years ago, my husband of 14 years left me.  It's a long story of course but the gist is he cheated on me years before then basically started dating right before we separated.  I was devastated.  Now it's 3 years later and I've watched him go in and out of relationships.  We have a son with autism so are communicate pretty regularly.  Anyway, shortly after we separated I met a man who adores me but I was still grieving.  He's still around but has his own issues but loyalty isn't one of them.  He's basically just really poor.  So my husband and this new man.  I broke things off jan 15 with new man because I felt torn between him and my husband.  After thinking there was nothing left, I filed for divorce finally, then my husband fell apart, wept openly in front of me so I thought maybe we had a chance.  (Writing this I sound so pathetic.  lol) 

 

After a few months of him hinting about reconciling, I decided to just be straight and ask him.  He said yes, but never did much of anything.  Again I was heartbroken.  He wouldn't leave the woman he had started dating.  In my grief, I contrived a spell and got a stick and wrote her name on one end and his on the other and then broke it and drove her end 10 miles away and buried it on an abandoned road, then buried his end at my front step.  I then took a picture of the two of them and tore it apart while saying the spell and took a picture of myself and put it face to face with his and tied it with red ribbon and put it under my mattress.  Nothing seemed to happen but I felt a release in all of this.  About the same time I ran into my boyfriend.  Maybe 6 weeks later was his birthday and I sent a happy birthday text.  He didn't respond for several days because he was out camping.  We met for lunch and the sparks flew and we've been back together since.

 

Meanwhile my husband in one weekend has his girlfriend break up with him and the next day is asked to move out of his house.  A few months later he has to move again and he tells me again he wants to get back together.  But again has done very, very little to make that happen.  One of the spells I said over and over was he would not be able to find love until he made things right with me. 

 

So now I'm not sure what to do.  He's deeply depressed now and I feel it's time for me to move on.  I do love him, but I also love my boyfriend.  Long story to ask how to undo any magick that has kept us tied to each other.  I said to my husband the other day that I feel he can be happy with someone some day but I don't know if that's me.  He broke down and held back tears.  It feels easier now to let go that I'm clear headed and healed from the pain he caused me. 

 

Thank you for reading this far and I appreciate any input. 


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#2 Belle

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Posted 05 April 2016 - 06:49 AM

Maybe your spell was to break your connection. The way it works for me, is I am guided, and my intuition will help me do what is needed to support the plan, not what I think I want.  You broke the stick....and then you felt relieved from the burden of the connection.

 

The stick had 2 peoples pictures on it. You broke it, breaking your connection to these people. This act was highly charged with emotion.

 

Of course you have to deal with your husband but perhaps you don't feel imprisoned by his influence over you. I was taught that there is a time to be together, for a purpose. When that purpose has been served, then it's time to move on. It isn't easy and when 2 people love each other, the betrayal has to be great. 

 

In my world, 'making things right' is an apology. There is no turning back the clock so you have to accept that the tables have turned and that is 'making things right' enough. You don't want to be bound by a spell or a curse. You want to move on, and you want what's best for your son. 

 

right?


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#3 Mistflower

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Posted 05 April 2016 - 09:27 AM

 

I then took a picture of the two of them and tore it apart while saying the spell and took a picture of myself and put it face to face with his and tied it with red ribbon and put it under my mattress.  

 

Meanwhile my husband in one weekend has his girlfriend break up with him and the next day is asked to move out of his house.  A few months later he has to move again and he tells me again he wants to get back together.  But again has done very, very little to make that happen.  One of the spells I said over and over was he would not be able to find love until he made things right with me. 

 

 

-----------------------------------------

To me, putting your picture face to face with his suggests facing up to things. He has "faced" you- here:  " I said to my husband the other day that I feel he can be happy with someone some day but I don't know if that's me.  He broke down and held back tears."  

 

and you are in a clearer place to deal with it all. In my opinion,it doesn't seem like any magic needs to be undone. Like Belle says, maybe all that is him making things right, as you wished, and what's done is done. And you are in the right place to move on just like you wanted. 


Edited by Mistflower, 05 April 2016 - 09:30 AM.

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#4 Belle

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Posted 05 April 2016 - 09:35 AM

@Mistflower....excellent insight. 


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#5 Mistflower

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Posted 05 April 2016 - 09:53 AM

@Belle

I have a good trainer


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Quick, said the bird, find them, find them,
Round the corner. Through the first gate


The Four Quartets by T.S. Eliot

#6 Llyr

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Posted 05 April 2016 - 01:15 PM

I have to agree with Mistflower here... there doesn't seem to be anything to be "undone".

 

You yourself have hit another gateway in which to walk through to move on and it seems that is exactly what you are doing :)


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#7 Jessie

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Posted 05 April 2016 - 03:33 PM

Thank you so much!  I hadn't actually considered that it helped break my connection, his influence over me.  But that is how it feels now.  It's funny when I think of myself one year ago, I was deeply sad over all of this, had trouble letting go and focusing on anything else....probably why I broke up with my adoring boyfriend.  I have a good intuition about situations and people but I often don't heed it especially when it comes to men.  lol 

 

When I met my current husband, I was still grieving over my first husband who also left me and then committed suicide shortly after our divorce and just wanted to be married again.  Pain should never get married as it just marries another's pain.  Part of that story still lingers as I have felt stuck in finishing our divorce.  It just sits there in the court for almost 1 and 1/2 now.  It took a lot for me to finally just file and I had partially hoped he'd finish it but now he doesn't want to. 

 

Thank you so much!  I hadn't even thought about the fact that the feeling of release was literally releasing me from the grip he's had over me and my life.  Or the pictures facing up to me.  That is exactly how he has been acting for several months now.  When his girlfriend broke up with him then had to move in one weekend I did know it was likely an effect of my magic but hadn't put it together that it was him finally feeling the effects of what he had done.  The home he was living in was a great situation for him and he moved to a house with a very controlling man and now is deeply sad living on his own in an apartment. 

 

I wish I had more time to respond but need to sing hi, ho, hi, ho and get off to work.  :-)  Thank you so much.  I have so much to ponder.  So glad I found this place.


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#8 RoseRed

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Posted 05 April 2016 - 09:43 PM

and his on the other and then broke it and drove her end 10 miles away and buried it on an abandoned road, then buried his end at my front step.

 

 

 

I'd move that end of the stick somewhere else or he'll just keep coming back to it. 

 

 

 

You divorced him.  It no longer matters.


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#9 RapunzelGnome

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Posted 05 April 2016 - 11:13 PM

I agree with Rosered. I also think you need to do some serious cord-cutting and move oooon.

What did you do with the pictures that you tied together and put under your mattress? Please tell me that they aren't still there.

One way or another you've bound him to yourself (especially that bit about not finding love until things are right with you). It may have felt right in the moment but I think that's a pretty dangerous thing to do in an unhealthy relationship. This is exactly why you should avoid these types of impulsive rituals when you are going through relationship turmoil and traumatic pain,, in my opinion. Not only are you bending people's will but you are binding yourself to THEIR emotional state (which was already in turmoil and now will be even more muddled and impulsive thanks to the spellwork). It's hard enough to break binds with someone with whom you've had a child with, but now you've ritually tied literal knots around your relationship with him.

You asked for magic advice, not relationship advice, but in this case, you've got to find a way to cut ties with him, ritually perhaps and more importantly through your actions and mindset. For your son's sake...if you are going to co-parent him reasonably, you need to be free of the emotional/spiritual ties to this conflicted and broken man. That means NOT feeling responsible for his current emotional state or carrying the burden of his current sadness. It means not keeping tabs on him and his relationships (beyond how they might affect your son directly). Let go... release...cut the cords. Find that stick (or make a new poppet of some sort) and take it as far away from your property as you can drive. Say aloud "You've made things right, now be released" or something to that effect. Then leave it there, take a different route home and do NOT turn back to look at it as you leave.

You need a clean break for his sake and yours.

Edited by RapunzelGnome, 05 April 2016 - 11:15 PM.

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#10 aefre

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Posted 05 April 2016 - 11:16 PM

I'd move that end of the stick somewhere else or he'll just keep coming back to it. 

 

 

 

You divorced him.  It no longer matters.

Sounds to me, like you're a born worrier.  I agree with RR, move the damn stick and then "let it go"!  Which is the easiest thing in the world to do, if you're not a worrier...


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#11 Jessie

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Posted 06 April 2016 - 06:28 AM

I'd move that end of the stick somewhere else or he'll just keep coming back to it. 

 

 

 

You divorced him.  It no longer matters.

 ---

Good point.  Although we aren't divorced yet.  I filed but haven't finished the final set of paperwork.  I don't know though that it doesn't matter though.  He's the father to our son, and a good father, so if we can part peacefully that would be best for all of us.

 

 

I agree with Rosered. I also think you need to do some serious cord-cutting and move oooon.

What did you do with the pictures that you tied together and put under your mattress? Please tell me that they aren't still there.

_____

Honestly months went by and I found the pictures one day when i was making my bed and took them out from under my mattress.  It's no longer there.  But the stick, I'll have to look for it tomorrow.

 

One way or another you've bound him to yourself (especially that bit about not finding love until things are right with you). It may have felt right in the moment but I think that's a pretty dangerous thing to do in an unhealthy relationship. This is exactly why you should avoid these types of impulsive rituals when you are going through relationship turmoil and traumatic pain,, in my opinion. Not only are you bending people's will but you are binding yourself to THEIR emotional state (which was already in turmoil and now will be even more muddled and impulsive thanks to the spellwork). It's hard enough to break binds with someone with whom you've had a child with, but now you've ritually tied literal knots around your relationship with him.

-------

Yes that's where I was coming from when i originally posted.  I accept that I acted out of raw emotions and have a situation I'm not sure how to handle.  It's interesting to me that as I pondered all of this today, I remember what he said originallhy when he said he wanted to reconcile....he said "we need each other."  That's very different to me that wanting to be together.  And the ironic thing to me is if I told him about the spellwork, he'd think I was nuts.  lol

 

You asked for magic advice, not relationship advice, but in this case, you've got to find a way to cut ties with him, ritually perhaps and more importantly through your actions and mindset. For your son's sake...if you are going to co-parent him reasonably, you need to be free of the emotional/spiritual ties to this conflicted and broken man. That means NOT feeling responsible for his current emotional state or carrying the burden of his current sadness. It means not keeping tabs on him and his relationships (beyond how they might affect your son directly). Let go... release...cut the cords.

------

Yes I know that's all true.  Letting go has always been the most difficult thing for me especially in relationships.  I had this sense when my first husband left that if I just let go, everything would be okay, but I couldn't bring myself to let go.  I was griped with sadness that year we divorced.  He died only 10 months after we separated.  I need to cut the cords. 

 

Thank you for the magical advice.  I had something similar stirring in my mind today but hadn't formed words around it yet. 

 

Sounds to me, like you're a born worrier.  I agree with RR, move the damn stick and then "let it go"!  Which is the easiest thing in the world to do, if you're not a worrier...

------

I don't know if I am a born worrier.  i think rather I may have grown into it.  Funny thing is I let him go when I got back together with my boyfriend.  I was so happy with him and felt free.  It didn't take much though for me to feel entangled again with my husband. 


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#12 RapunzelGnome

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Posted 06 April 2016 - 07:21 AM

"It didn't take much though for me to feel entangled again with my husband. "

Yup, that's how soul-ties often work. They yank you back into the drama quickly. It might be helpful (albeit painful) to get rid of any gifts or items you have from him as well. Pictures, smells that remind you of him, etc. or at least get them off your property for a while until sone more time and healing has passed.

And anytime you start to pity him, remember that it was his choice to cheat and to unfairly divide his attentions between two women. It's not calloused or cold to acknowledge that the circumstances he is in are self-wrought, even long after you've forgiven him and moved on. He is on his own path and needs to learn from his mistakes and your best way to help him do that is too not suffer to hear his complaints or pinings. If he comes to you again with longings, shut it down immediately and draw your boundaries. You do him no favors by listening to him out of pity or politeness.

I know I'm beating a dead horse but I don't think you can hear it enough. And maybe I'm speaking to myself and my own situation as well...

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#13 Belle

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Posted 06 April 2016 - 08:06 AM

When I got divorced it was ugly at the time. We had kids, so there was a battle over that.

 

Somebody told me that I didn't have to talk to him, at all...We had a clause in our divorce that said we were not to speak to each other except for brief and civil words when exchanging the children.  

 

I believe in the 'no contact' method. It works. 


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#14 AuroraBaenSidhe

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Posted 09 May 2016 - 08:58 PM

I agree with Rosered. I also think you need to do some serious cord-cutting and move oooon.

What did you do with the pictures that you tied together and put under your mattress? Please tell me that they aren't still there.

One way or another you've bound him to yourself (especially that bit about not finding love until things are right with you). It may have felt right in the moment but I think that's a pretty dangerous thing to do in an unhealthy relationship. This is exactly why you should avoid these types of impulsive rituals when you are going through relationship turmoil and traumatic pain,, in my opinion. Not only are you bending people's will but you are binding yourself to THEIR emotional state (which was already in turmoil and now will be even more muddled and impulsive thanks to the spellwork). It's hard enough to break binds with someone with whom you've had a child with, but now you've ritually tied literal knots around your relationship with him.

You asked for magic advice, not relationship advice, but in this case, you've got to find a way to cut ties with him, ritually perhaps and more importantly through your actions and mindset. For your son's sake...if you are going to co-parent him reasonably, you need to be free of the emotional/spiritual ties to this conflicted and broken man. That means NOT feeling responsible for his current emotional state or carrying the burden of his current sadness. It means not keeping tabs on him and his relationships (beyond how they might affect your son directly). Let go... release...cut the cords. Find that stick (or make a new poppet of some sort) and take it as far away from your property as you can drive. Say aloud "You've made things right, now be released" or something to that effect. Then leave it there, take a different route home and do NOT turn back to look at it as you leave.

You need a clean break for his sake and yours.

I agree with this post 10000%


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