RachelLizLear Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 So I am in the process of moving. In the midst of getting rid of stuff that is unneeded or unwanted, I found this old altar that I made when I was doing my undergrad in the back of a closet. The altar was made out of an old cardboard banana box that I covered with duct tape and painted, then decoupaged cloth on the inside, and it opened like a little cabinet. It was cool, but really old (like 15 years old) and made of cardboard. It was trashed. I took it to the curb, along with a shit ton of other junk from the closet and sat it outside in the trash bin. About an hour later my son's dad showed up from work to drop off the kiddo. He came onto the porch and said, "Hey, Rach...there are some crack heads rummaging through the garbage out front." This is legally permissible behavior, was my first thought. Anything left in the trash is considered abandoned property. Not to bore the whole TW-verse with the legal jargon, (it's the cartilage ordinance in the state statute code), but if it's at the curb and in the trash can, it's free game, legally. So I didn't care, as long as the crack heads stayed in the street, and I told my husband to just let them rummage through the garbage as they saw fit. One man's trash is another man's treasure, so they say...and they really thought they found some treasure in my heap of bullshit at the curb. Whatevs. There was all this random crap in the trash, just like at everyone in the world's house. Week old pizza and breadsticks that I threw out the night before that had sat out through a rainstorm, that were then covered in flies (and maggots, I'm sure. Hard to have one without the other.). An old charcoal grill that was all fucked up and destroyed from years of Texas barbeques. A 4x4 tupperware box of VHS tapes, full of horrid titles such as Waiting, The Bridge on the River Quai, Jumping Jack Flash and the 1980s remake of Dr. Caligari. All these things the crackheads took willingly, putting them into a wheelie-cart on the back of their bicycle made for two. I know. Then they reached the altar, placed atop a large, 55-gallon trash drum provided by the city. My husband was smoking on the porch, monitoring the crackheads to make sure they just took trash and left. "What's this?," they asked him. "It's cool!," one crack-whore remarked. "It's a witch's altar," my husband replied, in his usual monotone, Don't give a fuck type of voice that is his usual fashion of speaking. Both crack whores looked at each other, then at my husband, and got on their bicycle made for two with a wheelie cart, and hauled ass away from my house as fast as they could, without a word between them or a backward glance. My husband, son and I laughed so hard we almost pissed ourselves. The fly covered, nasty rainstorm pizza was just fine. The fifteen year old grill? Cool. Take it. VHS tapes that suck major ass? Get some. But the witch's altar? Hell to the no! That line of logic is beyond my comprehension. My family has been cracking up over these crack heads for days. Thought you guys would like this too :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crow59 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 That is Funny! But one question: why were you doing your undergrad in the back of a closet? :biggrin: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RachelLizLear Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 Lol I guess I earned that one, Crow... I didn't even catch it :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aurelian Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Aha! Typical! For those of you not acquainted with any crackhoes, some of them are PRECISELY like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkSOrtiiHoA Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RachelLizLear Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 Omg Aurelian, I think the person who uploaded that video must have just found my neighbor and interviewed her in her living room. Or they followed the the crack hoes from the street home after they left my house and interviewed one. Holy shit! :rofl: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhiteRaven Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 That reminds me of something I used to do as a teenager. Don't you hate when there are shared fridges and people steal your food? Well I did. So I started writing a little note on my food along with my name. "Touch and be cursed". I never put a curse on it, but it would always be there for me when I came to get it. :D No matter how much they may laugh and act skeptical, deep down they still believe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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