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Stupid Questions Tourist Asks Florida Keys Residents

AnjelWolf

By AnjelWolf
in Humour (Humor)

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AnjelWolf Wolf Rank

AnjelWolf

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Here is a partial list of dumb-ass questions that us Florida Keys locals have been asked by tourist.

 

Enjoy the giggle!!!!!

 

1 "What state governs The Florida Keys?"

 

2 How about the man who came running up to the security checkpoint at the airport and breathlessly asked the first TSA guard on duty, "Has my wife been through here yet?"

 

3 Are the Keys part of the United States?"

 

4 "Where is the Key deer viewing area?" Can you imagine all the little deer running around realizing they were late to get to the viewing area; or calling in sick, etc.

 

5 ?How long is the 7 mile bridge??

 

6 "It this salt water all around here?"

 

7 "How far is it between mile markers?"

 

8 "Are the coconuts in the trees real?"

 

9 "I heard Hemingway was sick." Not anymore.

 

10 "How many sunset celebrations are there a day?"

 

11 "What kind of money do you use here?"

 

12 "How much is it to take the Conch Train to Cuba?" (it doesn't go there LOL)

 

13 "Where do the homeless people live?"

 

14 "Are the gay people real or are they actors?" (No, it's like Disney world. We give them costumes at the start of their shift)

 

15 While running a sunset cruise a tourist asked "How many sunset trips do you run a day?"

 

16 ?Does the water go all the way around the island??

 

17 [ignorant tourist questions] Some of the stupid questions asked at the front desk at a Little Torch Key Resort:

When do we get to the Keys? (Just keep driving, you'll know!)

Which way is Key West? (West!)

Do they have the sunset at that Mallory Square every night? (Only on weekends and holidays!)

Does that Conch Train go all the way to Miami? (Not quite but they're working on it!)

How far is it between the mile markers? (Hmmm, let me think!)

Does Hemingway still live in Key West? (Not since he shot himself in Idaho!)

Is there anything to do in Key West? (It all depends, big guy!)

Are there restaurants in Key West? (You'll probably find a few!)

Is there, like, a scenic road to Key West? (Sure. Just go the corner and turn right. You can't miss it!)

Do they charge admission to Key West? (Not yet but it's a thought)

Hence the saying: ?Your brain. Don't leave home without it!?

 

18 Why is the Southern Most Point--dull?

 

19 I saw a wild crocodile at the Blue Hole. Are they tame?

 

20 Do I get my money back for the trip if sunset is cancelled?

 

21 Is it true you can't get a DUI in the KEYS?

 

22 How come there are so many abandon and boarded up houses in the Keys?

 

23 Where can I buy one of those cool Mexican vests and a head band?

 

24 Does drinking lots of Rum really keep you from getting sun burned?

 

25 Why is the bike path only one way?

 

26 Are clothing optional places clean enough for my child?

 

27 Is it against the law to ware underwear in the Keys?

 

28 overheard a phone call from a guest at a Marathon resort to the manager. The guest wanted to know if they could cool the pool because it was too hot (2pm in July). A few minutes later another guest wanted him to catch their kid?s gerbil that was lose in one of the rooms.

 

:lmao: No wonder we drink so much in the Keys!!!!! :lmao:

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soap fairy Cat Rank

soap fairy

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Hehehehe , and I wonder how many of those are said just that little bit louder in case the person hearing you doesnt speak english {but of course they'll understand if you shout at them ...} although saying that we seem to get a lot of odd questions in the UK {like when my hair was pink being asked by an american in london if it was natural ?? did she think I'd been born in hinkley C}

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Sandy Hare Rank

Sandy

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LOL You know i live in Germany right well each village speaks their own little lingo and which I havent totally grasped in the village I moved to.. Well I explain to the ones that talk 100 times to the dozen that I am from England that they must speak slower but instead they just SHOUT really loud. Im like for fucks sake lady I can hear you alright I just DONT UNDERSTAND YOU!

 

LOL .. why do people do that ???

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Leigh Hare Rank

Leigh

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When I was a restaurant manager many years ago, I had to tell my back-of-the-house guys about a mess in the men's room that needed to be cleaned up. My Spanish is limited and their English wasn't any better, and anyone who could translate was otherwise occupied. I fell back on my improv theatre training. The guys cracked up over my pantomime of "toilet" (while in skirt and heels), but the point was gotten across. Good times.

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AnjelWolf Wolf Rank

AnjelWolf

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LOL!!!!! This week is Bike week down here in the keys. My student was bitching last night that a bunch of bikers came into her store to buy beer THEN opened them up and started DRINKING the beers INSIDE the store LOL!!!

 

They all thought it was OK to do that! It's like once the crazy tourist all enter the Florida Keys they become dumb-asses LOL!!!

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AnjelWolf Wolf Rank

AnjelWolf

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Not soon enough! LOL!!! I had to go to Key West and back this afternoon for one of my students...NEVER again LOL! I lost my temper abouot 4 times while driving up there! LOL!

 

Behind me was a truck load of young boys (tourist)...they were riding my ass...waving their hands...everything. I started to pull over once to whoop some ass but my student and a mutual friend kept telling me "Just drivee crazy lady! LOL! Just drive! LOL!"

 

On the way back...the mutual friend drove my car LOL!!!

 

Did I forget to mention I hate tourist?! LOL!

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soap fairy Cat Rank

soap fairy

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Ooh dont , I ended up having a major confrontation with some idots last night who I suspected were stealing a neighbours car . I intially went out V polite and asked him had he just brought it or something because as far as I was aware the car belonged to jeff {guy is in the middle of gunning the engine at this point and theres a BIG cloud of bad smelling smoke of the car is f****d type}

He turns to me obviously pissed {drunk} and says he doesnt know whos fing car it is but its scrap now and whys it my buisness anyway and I ought to f off and not be a nosy B .... , At which point his two mates turn up , I start to get arsy and told him to grow up and if he couldnt answer a simple straightforward question then maybe I ought to phone the police and my other half pointedly starts taking photos of the guys bikes ..

Eventually after checking with the neighbour in question it resolved that they had brought the car off him but then the older guy decides to weigh in and threaten to slap me ..

To my neighbours horror and because I had had enough by this point , I turned round and told him to grow up because he wasn't any where near 14 or even 40 any more and yeah he could slap me but then I'd slap him back , phone the police and get him done for assault {pointedly putting my keys in my fist } AND then I'd curse all living hell out of him so that next time he even goes near a bottle of alchol he'll see snakes crawling out his eyeballs and think the denizens of hell are getting ready to VIOLATE him {polite version} At this point I was about 2 cm from his nose and hissing then I turned round and stalked off {the guys just stood there :shock:} We got in the house and the other half turned round to me and said

'can you really do that dear ?'

'No' I said crying heading for the alchol.

'Didnt think so ' he said pouring me a large rum!!!

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Guest Dee

Guest Dee

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AND then I'd curse all living hell out of him so that next time he even goes near a bottle of alchol he'll see snakes crawling out his eyeballs and think the denizens of hell are getting ready to VIOLATE him {polite version} At this point I was about 2 cm from his nose and hissing then I turned round and stalked off {the guys just stood there :shock:} We got in the house and the other half turned round to me and said

'can you really do that dear ?'

'No' I said crying heading for the alchol.

'Didnt think so ' he said pouring me a large rum!!!

 

Um- Anjel- didn't I see a spell similiar to that one that your mother used to use? I think she could do that! :lol2:

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