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Bind or Banish: An Obsessed Person/Stalker


Evelyne

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Preface/Disclaimer: Part of what led me out of my solitary witch hole and to this forum is a particularly complex, unusual and highly negative situation involving another person, my ex-husband's second wife. I'm seeking opinions and advice on the magical course of action to take (or not take.) You all are an amazing resource of experience & lessons learned, and I feel like I would be a fool to not consult before undertaking my first magical working specifically directed at another human being other than the breaking of etheric ties, which seems somehow different than binding or banishing someone. Breaking ties seems to be more about me. This is directed specifically at her. And I've never done that (never needed to) before. 


 


I'm new to this path, and my usual approach (still) is to do the logical, mundane footwork towards solving a problem before resorting to magic. I've done that in this situation. Yet it persists. Not saying magic isn't part of daily life (it is), but rather that I don't work formal spells for every bump in the road at this point. Maybe I will in the future...just not my personal approach at the moment. That said, I'd like to think I have a relatively solid intuition of when it is time to bust those out. This is one of those times.


 


History: For a year now my ex-husband's second wife has essentially tried to become me. And she's demanded my help and friendship in doing so. I like to say she's tried to "friend rape" me. She wants to be "friends" not to be friends but to soothe her insecurities surrounding me. When I expressed my discomfort at helping her career or being friends on that premise, she became irate and proceeded to do the following for a year (and to this day): (internet) stalk me, mimic my every move professionally and personally (from my artwork/career path to the way I dress to using my words verbatim etc ad nauseam), emailed publications & individuals I work with as well as my friends, slandered me (though I've never exchanged a harsh word with her), and generally been a sort of mix between Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction and the lady in the movie SWF (for those of you that have seen those! lol) Also, it's a lot like high school. And that's just awful. All I do is ignore her, not engage. Yet she pops up like whack-a-mole.


 


It's been distressing & draining, and I'm sick of it. On the new moon of the new year, I did intensive spellwork to break etheric ties with her. The result was that she seemed to rear up even more. That said, I view it as death throes. Not a backfire. Shortly after the spellwork, she emailed a close friend of mine asking them why I was "so cold". Then she proceeded to have my ex-husband himself insist on speaking with me regarding her agenda (why won't you help my career, etc, etc). Bizarre to say the least. He contacted me saying, and I quote, that her "psyche was crumbling". Ok, good. It should after a year of that nonsense. Turns out he's sick of the obsession too. We met. He thinks she needs professional help and wants her to let me go as much as I do. She refuses both. So that's where I find myself today, having met with him yesterday. I feel her efforts floundering and flailing, and now I want to put a magical nail in the coffin of this insanity. 


 


Intentions: to have her cease attempting to do work that's of the same nature as mine and in the same field as me (she never did it prior to the obsession with me), to not hear about her or see her, to not have her in my professional or social realm or contacting anyone in it, to not have her contact or affect my life in any way. I'd also like her to stop thinking about me (I can feel it when she does), looking at my feeds/work, caring about me, and mimicking me in non-work related ways as well. And if she doesn't, I'd like every attempt to insinuate herself into my field & social circle to blow up in her face. And lastly I'd like everyone to see her for what she is if they don't already (many already do but she's a passive aggressive sort, playing the victim as a means of offense). In short. : /


 


The question: bind or banish? Or attempt a more, ah, friendly spell that would restore whatever fragment in her ego that would cause her to behave this way? As much as I may hate it, if she were a happy, whole human being, she wouldn't be doing this. I'd much prefer to curse the shit out of her, don't get me wrong. I really don't want to help her. But I have to acknowledge that helping her might help me. Banishing seems logical, but part of me feels binding would be appropriate. (not binding her to me, but binding her from harmful action/stalking/mimicking). Or do nothing and wait to see if the etheric tie breaking spell on the new moon was enough? I just want to end it once and for all. I want her to cease, freeze, disappear. 


 


I'm leaning towards banishing as I said, but part of what I want is to cease all of her efforts and actions to insinuate herself into my life, my world, my field, or influence people's opinion of me (a sort of stop gossip) etc. That seems like a binding sort of thing? A shitty part of me wants her psyche & life totally dismantled so that she crawls in a hole and never comes out. But....like I said... that's a shitty part of me that likes to take a head for an eye.


 


If you made it through all of this, thank you. Any advice to this fledgling witch would be much appreciated as you can understand why I wouldn't be eager to have this working blow up in my face. I'm a moon worker, and this waning moon seems like a good time to take whatever shoving away action I need to take. And if this exact issue has been addressed in the forums, I apologize. I promise I used the hell out of the search button before posting & read up what I found on binding!


 


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Damn, this reads like a book report (very thorough) . . . kudos for throwing in some flattery at the beginning.  Oh, I am certain that some others will be happy to give you magical advice (within your first 3 official posts on the Forum), but I really don't know you or the situation, except for what you have relayed here.  Two sides to every story and all that . . .

 

If all that you are looking for is an explanation of the differences between binding and banishing, there are threads on that. 

 

I hope you get it all figured out . . . But, if this is the 'only' reason that you joined the TW Forum . . . no offense, but I find that very annoying.

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Damn, this reads like a book report (very thorough) . . . kudos for throwing in some flattery at the beginning.  Oh, I am certain that some others will be happy to give you magical advice (within your first 3 official posts on the Forum), but I really don't know you or the situation, except for what you have relayed here.  Two sides to every story and all that . . .

 

If all that you are looking for is an explanation of the differences between binding and banishing, there are threads on that. 

 

I hope you get it all figured out . . . But, if this is the 'only' reason that you joined the TW Forum . . . no offense, but I find that very annoying.

 

 

.................................

 

- Yep! Thorough because it's complex, and I want to get it right. I figure details = easier to give advice. To have the best outcome for all involved while still reaping my intentions is all I want. Aaand you're right, you don't know me. I could be a crazed ex-wife for all you know. I'm not. But no way for you to know that. That said, I deeply just want to be left alone. That's all I ultimately want from this working.

 

-I realize it's my first post. It seemed better to ask a question than to have opinions on things I have no business having opinions on. It was a leap. I'm a nubbins, I guess I should have expected to fuck up my first post. Bah. I also probably posted it in the wrong place. If so, profuse apologies. Ugh. Nub-bins. 

 

- I said it was "part of" the reason—that doesn't amount to "only". It being on my plate, I was hoping to get advice. Not expecting. Just hoping. I'm in this for the long haul, not just one situation. In my intro I discussed the big reason I joined: to be a witch amongst witches, to find community. A non-Wiccan community. It's a sticky situation that I thought I could find help with, but that situation or no, I'm so happy to have found this place. No offense, taken.  

 

- I've read up everywhere I could on banishing vs. binding, and it still seems to overlap in this situation. And I thought there might be a third alternative I hadn't thought of? 

 

ps. You're welcome for the flattery. Like it or not, I meant it! And I've read so many posts of yours...I kinda wouldn't have felt like this was real unless I got a bit of a tough response from you. Like diving into a cold pool....gotta get it over with. : )

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I could be a crazed ex-wife for all you know. I'm not. But no way for you to know that.

You may be surprised what the people here can know about you ;) It can be surprisingly hard to get away with lying in a crowd of witches.

 

Like you I am a nubbins, but here were my thoughts when initially reading your post:

 

Wanting to heal this woman is magnanimous, but if it was me I doubt I would take it upon myself to fix her. A hard lesson I have had to learn is that you can't save everyone, no matter how sad it is.

 

If your emotions regarding this situation are upset or irritable, I think it would be hard to transform that in to thoughts of love and happiness for this woman to heal her. I think it would be much easier to go with the flow and get rid of her.

 

When you bind someone you connect them to yourself. I do not think this is what you want. Many witches also believe that when you bind someone, you are responsible for them until they are unbound. So that's nearly the opposite of banishing, I would think.

 

There are ways to temper her behavior before you banish entirely. Someone does not necessarily have to be bound to be muted.

 

My thoughts went to a poppet, which I have enjoyed using lately. This may be considered a form of binding but it could be very useful in your situation. Consider the possibilities of literally throwing her away.

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You may be surprised what the people here can know about you :wink: It can be surprisingly hard to get away with lying in a crowd of witches.

         

           You make a good point! I can rest easy!

............

 

If your emotions regarding this situation are upset or irritable, I think it would be hard to transform that in to thoughts of love and happiness for this woman to heal her. I think it would be much easier to go with the flow and get rid of her.

        

        You're right. Intellectually, I'd love to do the magnanimous thing, but emotionally I have a bunch of black gunk around the whole situation. Which would probably thwart any sort of psychological healing I'd (begrudgingly) attempt to do. Probably not my role at all. 

 

............

 

When you bind someone you connect them to yourself. I do not think this is what you want. Many witches also believe that when you bind someone, you are responsible for them until they are unbound. So that's nearly the opposite of banishing, I would think.

 

       That was my fear after reading about binding, but I kept reading that there were two sorts... binding to you/binding them from action. That said, it would make sense that you're responsible for them even in the latter case. Like having them tied up in your basement. Which I don't want! 

 

...................................

 

There are ways to temper her behavior before you banish entirely. Someone does not necessarily have to be bound to be muted.

 

        So a potentially two part process of addressing the behavior before banishing? 

 

..............................

 

My thoughts went to a poppet, which I have enjoyed using lately. This may be considered a form of binding but it could be very useful in your situation. Consider the possibilities of literally throwing her away.

       

        I've never made a poppet before (naturally, as I've never done a working directed at someone before.) I have a photograph of her on hand in case I decided I needed to use it. But I was considering it a last resort. I'll do some poppet research. Thank you for the advice, truly. Sometimes you spend so much time in your head with an issue you just need to blurt it all out to get clarity/objective eyes on it. 

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Well the way I see it, if she had gotten in to my home with a knife, I would not shove her out the door and leave her there to do what she pleases.  I would disarm and immobilize her until she came to her senses, or if she was more of a threat, send her off to the looney bin with a kick in the ass. Choose whatever works for you but whatever you choose, put your whole weight behind it. 

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Regarding the two-part process, I think there could be lots of ways to go about it. Silencing, diverting attention, sending her along a new path, making her attempts at copying you fail, and so on - followed by giving her the boot, or providing ample "encouragement" to stay far away (or both).

 

As for a binding, that gets in to ethics I'm inexperienced in. Would it really be so bad to specifically bind someone to not assume your identity, then send them on their way? That I really can't say, especially in regards to someone else's situation.

 

I thought of a poppet because if I were in your shoes this would be a long-term process for me. I don't believe I could get the results I wanted from one casting. A poppet stays with you and you can adjust, correct, and punish as necessary until the job is done. I also think it allows for easier reaction - instead of building a whole new spell for each new problem, you already have the foundation of a poppet to work with whenever necessary.

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Well the way I see it, if she had gotten in to my home with a knife, I would not shove her out the door and leave her there to do what she pleases.  I would disarm and immobilize her until she came to her senses, or if she was more of a threat, send her off to the looney bin with a kick in the ass. Choose whatever works for you but whatever you choose, put your whole weight behind it. 

 

 

 

This is why banishing feels....half assed? While getting her out of my sight is a major goal, I don't want her out of my sight if she's still plum crazy obsessed & toiling away to be like me/insinuate herself into my life & work. The truth is I feel violated & attacked, repeatedly. And up until now I've only been on the defensive, tending my borders and little else. It's worked to good effect to keep her at bay, but that's not how I want to spend another year. I want her to give up.

 

A spell to make someone give up and disappear. That's what I need. I would just cast a spell to thwart all of her efforts, but I'm sick of her efforts. Their ill intent, regardless of whether they're successful, chips away at my psychic energy. I guess the fear is that if I banish her, I can't control her. But perhaps if it's an incredibly thorough banishing that wouldn't matter? 

 

Whatever I do, indeed, my full weight will be behind it. Never before have I experienced anything like this. All my other relationships with women are positive, and I don't intend to stand idly by any longer. I'll think on it some more. The solution is there, I've only to find it. 

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I'd bind her from wanting to be you, and everything to do with you and then I would banish her from your sphere and any area associated with you. I would make it so anything to do with you or associated with you, however small, now does not exist in her world. And I would make it so she could no longer exist in yours comfortably or convincingly. But then I'm a mean bitch. Like others have said, she is not yours to fix and those issues were obviously there before. I don't wonder however, if your ex is making comparisons or comments about you and her that make her feel inadequate and like she has to be you? He may not even be doing it intentionally but it is a consideration.

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... The truth is I feel violated & attacked, repeatedly. ...

 

Were I "violated and attacked" (I note these are words most commonly used to describe rape), the source would be attacked, immediately.  (Note that any attack on her will affect your ex-husband as he is still married to her and/or has feelings for her.) She would cease to exist in my life, and anything in her life would be beyond my careing or concern, including the ex. If he's dumb enough to have married her, then she is his problem, not mine, and any problems for him created by my actions are equally results of his own bad choices. All contact with either of them would cease.

 

M

 

P.S. Change your phone number and give it to neither of them. Block both of them from your FB and your email. If either of them knock on your door don't answer. If either of them see you on the street and say anything keep walking and ignore them completely until they look like lunatics. She is his problem, not yours, and he is choosing to stay in that relationship. You will have to shun him as well as her. When someone else's bad choices start fucking up your life, it's time to drop that person as well as his/her friends and problems. I know you did not want this to happen, but your relationship with him is what has introduced her into your life. His choices... and you are not responsible for his choices. 

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