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NiamhMorganaAstra

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I need some advice, since I have moved in the the in law, she has totally discriminated against me and "my religion". She is a Christian (and I am not saying all Christians are bad, I know they aren't.) But I feel stifled. I can't do anything (even on my own computer without her poking her nose where it don't belong.) So, anything would be appreciated. And, having someone else who knows what I am going through, probably wouldn't be a bad idea either. It would at least reassure me that I am not alone..

 

Thanks and much love to all! :D

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I can't do anything (even on my own computer without her poking her nose where it don't belong.) So, anything would be appreciated.

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Living with others can be very difficult.  It sounds as if some boundaries are needed here. 

 

You're living in her home.  Stifled may just be something that you'll need to figure out how to deal with.  It's not ideal but it is what it is.  Not everyone is capable of accepting certain things. 

 

How long do you plan on staying?

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Living with others can be very difficult.  It sounds as if some boundaries are needed here. 

 

You're living in her home.  Stifled may just be something that you'll need to figure out how to deal with.  It's not ideal but it is what it is.  Not everyone is capable of accepting certain things. 

 

How long do you plan on staying?

 

 

 

 

Boundaries have been set since day one, but because it is her house I guess she thinks that they don't apply to her. I don't honestly know, this is just my thoughts. Because we set boundaries, and she doesn't comply. Been living with her since June and hopefully it will only be another 2 -3 months..

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If you only have a few months left then I would try to stick it out without too much conflict. Do stuff when she is not around. Passport protect your computer. Spend some quality time reading in your room, maybe set a goal of researching something of interest that will increase your knowledge and turn a positive from a negative situation. I also find it useful to have prepared a few stock phrases to use when deflecting conflict. My favourite one is "I am not having an argument over this." then I refuse to discuss further. No-one can see into your mind, so you can think things through and continue on your path without her knowing. Become secretive... its fun!

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Boundaries have been set since day one, but because it is her house I guess she thinks that they don't apply to her. I don't honestly know, this is just my thoughts. Because we set boundaries, and she doesn't comply. Been living with her since June and hopefully it will only be another 2 -3 months..

 

I would stick it out then and maybe try to develop a part of your craft that can easily blend in...like cooking or home remedies. 

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Can't you just lie to her about what you do and then do your workings outside her house in a space where her energies won't affect you?

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The problem with boundaries is that they need to be agreed upon.  Just setting them isn't usually enough if the other party refuses to acknowledge or agree to them.

 

It's a difficult situation.  As difficult as it is you can try practicing gratitude.  Even with the little things.  Yes, I understand that it's aggravating but you do have a roof over your head and a place to sleep peacefully.  There is an end date in the near future.  You're looking at a couple months - not a couple years of this.  It's do-able.

 

It sux not to have your boundaries respected.  It sux to be stifled or belittled in your beliefs.  But sometimes we just need to accept what is and figure out how to live withing the situation.

 

There's been some excellent advice given here.  I hope that some of it helps.

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Take a pic of your husband naked and put it on your computer as your wallpaper. Every time she walks towards your computer to look at what you're doing, just click it up and she'll quit looking.

 

Okay, obnoxious, lol.... but if you plan on staying married forever, then she'll be your MIL forever and part of your family and part of the relationship between you and your husband (it WILL strain your relationship with him if you and she hate each other) and part of family gatherings, babysitting, your kid's birthday parties.... it'll suck for a few months, but it may be worth keeping the peace if you can :)

 

Also, if she's mega-Christian and you plan on having kids, it would be good to get a rock-solid plan ahead of time with your husband about how you're going to raise them regarding religious beliefs. That can become a big source of stress and arguments if it's not addressed ahead of time...

 

M

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It's a difficult situation.  As difficult as it is you can try practicing gratitude. 

 

Practicing gratitude?  I am sure that is what her MIL thinks . . . "little bitch should be grateful she has a roof over her head".

 

I change my mind:  Here is my advice -----> practice Witchcraft.  Don't go around loudly declaring "I'm a Witch, so you better respect me!  Na, na, Na, na!"  Use charms, enchantments, glamor, hiding in plain sight, weave deception, trickery, etc. to convince the nosy bitch that all is well, while all the time keeping her at bay and working to get you and hubby out of there.

 

BTW, did I miss where hubby is in all of this?  Why the fuck isn't he standing up for your privacy and rights?  If he isn't, might want to work on a spell to grow hubby a set of balls, too. 

 

Once again, I do not know you well enough to offer any specific advice, but this is a WITCHCRAFT FORUM.  Most of the mundane advice given is actually very good, but this isn't a self-help forum, so I thought I would throw that whole magic thing into the mix, too. 

 

On the other hand, you should probably think about the fact that people have given you some pretty solid, but mundane advice here.  Probably means that deep down they do not believe that you can pull off any type of magic.  If other people have doubts, maybe they are picking up on your doubts.  If your question had been, what herbs should I use in a privacy spell? Or what word rhymes with "stay out of my shit"?  Or if you had searched the forum for information on working in secret (there are tons), you would have gotten different responses. 

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... but this is a WITCHCRAFT FORUM.  Most of the mundane advice given is actually very good, but this isn't a self-help forum, so I thought I would throw that whole magic thing into the mix...

 

 

 

Ummm..... good point. (Sheepish grin, lol lol lol)

 

M

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I change my mind:  Here is my advice -----> practice Witchcraft.  Don't go around loudly declaring "I'm a Witch, so you better respect me!  Na, na, Na, na!"  Use charms, enchantments, glamor, hiding in plain sight, weave deception, trickery, etc. to convince the nosy bitch that all is well, while all the time keeping her at bay and working to get you and hubby out of there.

 

 

I agree wholeheartedly with this.

 

I'd also add that in your original post you speak about people discriminating against "your religion," which to my mind suggests you are approaching the way you communicate your craft to others in the wrong way. I'm happy to assume that you know Witchcraft isn't a religion in its own right but to me I think you are making the mistake of confusing the way people treat religious beliefs (Equality, out and proud - standing up for your faith etc..) and craft workings which by their very nature tend to be private and hidden from others. The point I am trying to make is that it doesn't matter if your MIL knows what you practise or not, you can be every bit as much of an effective witch without labelling yourself publicly and risking disharmony in a home that doesn't belong to you.

 

I've recently noticed (and I'm not referring to this forum) a real trend toward what I'd deem "Evangelical Witchcraft" with people proclaiming to the world at wide that they are a witch and going to great lengths to "defend their right to be a witch."  Its almost as if they don't believe their "witchiness" is validated unless its right out there in the public arena. It seems to contradict the very fundamental nature of the craft which is that of subtlety and secrecy.

 

I'd beware of this urge to need to be labelled if I were you. Do what you wish to do and do it well, validate your own status as a witch but resist the temptation to tell everybody else you are doing it.

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Is there something wrong with being grateful or thankful for a roof over your head instead of sleeping in your car or on a park bench?

 

I'm sure she knew going into this situation that the MIL was a super-christian.  I just can't imagine how that could be a surprise.  It's amazing what people are willing to tolerate as long as it's 'not under their roof'.

 

And even if the mil is thinking that the little b/witch should be grateful for a roof over her head - is there really something wrong with that?  This doesn't sound like it was ever meant to be a long term living arrangement.  Is there something wrong with respecting the person's home that you're in?  Being transitory in a living arrangement is very different from making a place your own home. 

 

The whole idea behind 'practicing gratitude' is a self help measure to get through this trying time.  Depending on the circumstances of how things are when they leave is going to impact the family dynamics for years if not forever.

 

There's no reason why she can't be thankful for a roof over her head while she does other things to speed their way out the door. 

 

I mean really, Jevne - can you imagine bringing someone into your home and then they act or behave like they resent you for it?  They're coming into YOUR space, YOUR home, would you be happy if they were doing things in your home that you felt were inherently wrong?  Would you set limits on what you allowed in your home during a transitory stay?  Would you let them know what the 'rules' of your home are and expect them to be followed?  From the little bit that I've seen of you here - I'm sure you would - if you even took someone in in the first place.

 

I don't know what the situation is but if I had to guess it would most likely be something to the effect of 'you can stay here for a few months while you get your feet back under you and you can save up to get your own place'.  That's a very different situation than moving in long term.

 

It seems to contradict the very fundamental nature of the craft which is that of subtlety and secrecy.

------------------------------------------

I think this is a very good time to learn the art of subtlety and secrecy.  Of keeping your private things private. 

 

 

I'm also curious as to what the husband is doing in this situation.

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I mean really, Jevne - can you imagine bringing someone into your home and then they act or behave like they resent you for it?  They're coming into YOUR space, YOUR home, would you be happy if they were doing things in your home that you felt were inherently wrong?  Would you set limits on what you allowed in your home during a transitory stay?  Would you let them know what the 'rules' of your home are and expect them to be followed?  From the little bit that I've seen of you here - I'm sure you would - if you even took someone in in the first place.

 

DeguWitchRose mentioned how the OP's attitude and behavior may be impacting the situation, and Michele noted that it is a good idea to try to keep the peace and maintain a positive relationship, but I would not, could not stop being a Witch, no matter whose home I was living in.  The OP does not have to practice openly, of course, as respect is a two way street, but she could be and hopefully is casting spells, in private, to limit her stay there.

 

For the record, there really very few "rules" in my home, except for no smoking (sorry Michele).  I have invited people into my home; actually have many family and friends of different Paths and persuasions.  People like to hang out at my house.  It is fun here.  We have food.  I don't ask any of them to stop being who or what they are.  No, I would not set limits, unless what they were planning to do was dangerous or illegal.   In that case, I would probably just be there look-out.

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Being in this position before as a married couple, there is a line where privacy must be respected. Just because she is living in the MIL's home does not mean she needs to revert to child status again and be parented, and having the MIL snoop where she is not wanted.  Respect, needs to be given by both parties if the relationship is valued. Gratitude, in my opinion, shares a fine line with compliance.  MIL can very well perceive that the DIL is not grateful for any little slight or non compliance, especially if she has reason to hold a grudge.  This is a potentially volatile situation, and from experience it can be just as damaging to not comply as it is to comply.  

 

That said, when I was living with the MIL I did not stop practicing.  She is very Catholic but I was not forthcoming with all I did.  We bonded over cooking and making home remedies as that was something she was comfortable in doing and did not have the "scariness" attached to it that "witchcraft" does.  I made protections for the home as a gift to her and "wreaths" are a great idea for this. 

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Jevne - I never meant to imply that you didn't have friends over or that your house wasn't a great place to hang.  I'm just saying that all homes have rules.  Sometimes we're just so accustomed to them that we don't realize exactly what they are.

 

Let's create a for instance.  And I'm just going to use this as an example - it's just something I vaguely remember from another thread (which I actually thought was awesome btw, but I don't remember it exactly and I'm sure I got it wrong but it's just for a for instance).  You took someone in for a few months to get back on their feet.  You asked them to use the side door because the giant spider web was blocking the front door but didn't explain why it was important to you.  When you got back from work the spider web was gone.  When you asked about it they said that they were straightening up they really had a problem with a giant spiderweb blocking a doorway.

 

By asking politely - you set a rule - a boundary.  Leave the spider and it's web alone.  It's my house and I want to leave it on the front porch (or wherever it actually was).  How pissed off would you have been?

 

I completely agree with what the others here have said that her behavior can be impacting the situation.  By remembering why she's there and that she does have a roof over her head to be thankful for - it can diffuse a lot of the tenseness and frustration. 

 

No, I don't think that people need to pretend to be something that they're not when they're in someone elses home but I do think that they should respect the home that they're in.  I do think that there are times and situations when we need to rein ourselves in and remember why so much of what we do is private.  But I also think that we need to remember that this is a transient situation.  She didn't move in there for the long haul.

 

I've been on both sides of this situation as well.  Taking in and needing a roof.  It's not easy.  I don't have many rules in my home either but back when my daughter was 3 - coming home at 3am, drunk off your ass, stumbling over furniture, breaking stuff,waking the baby up and carrying on like a drunken idiot pushed things too far.  I don't really care if an adult wants to get shitfaced - but don't disrupt our lives like that.  I set a boundary.

 

We moved closer to family shortly after that.  There were a bunch of little cousins that came over all the time.  They were rather wild children.   That was when I realized that I really did have rules in my house.  I took the time to really think about what those rules were, wrote them down and put them on the fridge.  The next time they came over we all sat down and went over them.  I explained that every house is different and that they would have to follow the same rules as the child that lived in this home.

 

By taking the time to see what the boundaries and rules were we diffused the situation.  We could revert back to the list on the fridge.  Once they understood what the boundaries were they were really great when they came over.  They loved coming to my house even if it wasn't a free for all. 

 

Granted - I'm talking about 3-6 yr olds here but the same thing can apply to this situation.  To really sit down and think about what each one is comfortable with and to find a middle ground is much healthier than everyone being filled with resentment.  The reason I say middle ground is that we're talking about adults and not young children.  It sounds as if they've both set boundaries and neither one is honoring the other.  It's really amazing how a good conversation can clear the air. 

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We can go round and round on this all day.  Bottom line is respect.  Use magic or don't that is your choice, but the situation will not work without mutual respect. 

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Do I really care about this load of bollocks!!!NM-- stop being a pussy sort your shit out.As for rules on a fridge for fuck sake who cares

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Jevne - I never meant to imply that you didn't have friends over or that your house wasn't a great place to hang.  I'm just saying that all homes have rules.  Sometimes we're just so accustomed to them that we don't realize exactly what they are.

 

Let's create a for instance.  And I'm just going to use this as an example - it's just something I vaguely remember from another thread (which I actually thought was awesome btw, but I don't remember it exactly and I'm sure I got it wrong but it's just for a for instance).  You took someone in for a few months to get back on their feet.  You asked them to use the side door because the giant spider web was blocking the front door but didn't explain why it was important to you.  When you got back from work the spider web was gone.  When you asked about it they said that they were straightening up they really had a problem with a giant spiderweb blocking a doorway.

 

By asking politely - you set a rule - a boundary.  Leave the spider and it's web alone.  It's my house and I want to leave it on the front porch (or wherever it actually was).  How pissed off would you have been?

 

I completely agree with what the others here have said that her behavior can be impacting the situation.  By remembering why she's there and that she does have a roof over her head to be thankful for - it can diffuse a lot of the tenseness and frustration. 

 

No, I don't think that people need to pretend to be something that they're not when they're in someone elses home but I do think that they should respect the home that they're in.  I do think that there are times and situations when we need to rein ourselves in and remember why so much of what we do is private.  But I also think that we need to remember that this is a transient situation.  She didn't move in there for the long haul.

 

I've been on both sides of this situation as well.  Taking in and needing a roof.  It's not easy.  I don't have many rules in my home either but back when my daughter was 3 - coming home at 3am, drunk off your ass, stumbling over furniture, breaking stuff,waking the baby up and carrying on like a drunken idiot pushed things too far.  I don't really care if an adult wants to get shitfaced - but don't disrupt our lives like that.  I set a boundary.

 

We moved closer to family shortly after that.  There were a bunch of little cousins that came over all the time.  They were rather wild children.   That was when I realized that I really did have rules in my house.  I took the time to really think about what those rules were, wrote them down and put them on the fridge.  The next time they came over we all sat down and went over them.  I explained that every house is different and that they would have to follow the same rules as the child that lived in this home.

 

By taking the time to see what the boundaries and rules were we diffused the situation.  We could revert back to the list on the fridge.  Once they understood what the boundaries were they were really great when they came over.  They loved coming to my house even if it wasn't a free for all. 

 

Granted - I'm talking about 3-6 yr olds here but the same thing can apply to this situation.  To really sit down and think about what each one is comfortable with and to find a middle ground is much healthier than everyone being filled with resentment.  The reason I say middle ground is that we're talking about adults and not young children.  It sounds as if they've both set boundaries and neither one is honoring the other.  It's really amazing how a good conversation can clear the air.

 

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Do I really care about this load of bollocks!!!NM-- stop being a pussy sort your shit out.As for rules on a fridge for fuck sake who cares

 

 

WTF!!!!!!!!

Jevnes right. Is she a witch or not?

 

 

Aurora, the OP asked for advice not abuse!

It's OK to offer a strong opinion and differing views, but don't resort to insults.

Generally abuse and insult will weaken your point, not strengthen it!

Any more and the thread is locked.

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What is mega Christian? That sounds serious, does that mean they are 20 feet tall and can shoot bible lasers?

Well, I kind of agree. First off, if you're a witch, why does she know? I never understand this modern need to 'brand' oneself and self proclaim simply to choose the path of 'the victim' I can say from experience the person who looks most like a 'witch' isn't and the person you would least suspect is.

And if you don't want her to mess about in your room, cast the room as abhorrent to her and she won't go in.

Also, if it is Her home I think she gets to set the rules and boundries not you, but again if you're a witch, keep your mouth shut but your casting on and she will 'simply as if by magic' (wink) never have a desire to go into your room. Though what on earth you are doing that is 'witchy' I don't get. Unless you are a 'Hot Topic' witch. Just becasue your shirt says you play for naked coed vollyeball doesn't mean you actually do.

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What is mega Christian? That sounds serious, does that mean they are 20 feet tall and can shoot bible lasers?

Well, I kind of agree. First off, if you're a witch, why does she know? I never understand this modern need to 'brand' oneself and self proclaim simply to choose the path of 'the victim' I can say from experience the person who looks most like a 'witch' isn't and the person you would least suspect is.

And if you don't want her to mess about in your room, cast the room as abhorrent to her and she won't go in.

Also, if it is Her home I think she gets to set the rules and boundries not you, but again if you're a witch, keep your mouth shut but your casting on and she will 'simply as if by magic' (wink) never have a desire to go into your room. Though what on earth you are doing that is 'witchy' I don't get. Unless you are a 'Hot Topic' witch. Just becasue your shirt says you play for naked coed vollyeball doesn't mean you actually do.

 

:roflhard:

 

I'm sorry Tana ...but I just had to laugh.  She's got a point...

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Thank you all for the advice, it really does help. Yes mil KNOWS I am "wiccan" but she doesn't know that I am a Trad witch. And like all trad witches of the past and present ( I am talking more of the pow wow, and hoodoo/voodoo trads, as that is what I am most familiar with), that they incorporated Christianity (from what i have read and seen on youtube). Into their practice. And, I do agree that while yes secrecy is key, that you can incorporate religions into your practice. For as we all know, being a traditional crafter is a PRACTICE and not a religion.

 

Again, thank you all, it is greatly appreciated!

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Thank you all for the advice, it really does help. Yes mil KNOWS I am "wiccan" but she doesn't know that I am a Trad witch. And like all trad witches of the past and present ( I am talking more of the pow wow, and hoodoo/voodoo trads, as that is what I am most familiar with), that they incorporated Christianity (from what i have read and seen on youtube). Into their practice. And, I do agree that while yes secrecy is key, that you can incorporate religions into your practice. For as we all know, being a traditional crafter is a PRACTICE and not a religion.

 

Again, thank you all, it is greatly appreciated!

 

I hesitate to open up the whole "signature font" can of worms...but I'm really struggling to read your purple font. Any chance of making it a bit lighter so it contrasts better with the dark background?? x

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