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Dream World

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Beethoven

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Moly

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I've had dreams a while back about fairies telling me I needed to get back on track with my life and that's very much happening with me now. I went through a chronic depression where I refused to take medication and was increasingly immobilised, but now I'm on treatment again I'm capable of taking more action in my life to get things done and I'm really busy. That's all fine and it's what's supposed to be happening. I think for that reason I haven't been interacting with the fairies that much. They see I'm doing things and I just need to keep going right now. But I've been missing them greatly in my dream world. The dreams seem very boring and uneventful without them. Also due to medication I've had a disrupted sleep pattern with seemingly no deeper sleep where the more intense dreams seem to happen, just flitting REM dreams so I thought that's maybe why I haven't been meeting fairies.

Actually I felt fearful that they had abandoned me completely. But last week I was "just resting my eyes" falling asleep on the train, and in hypnogogic state on the very verge of falling into sleep I saw a fairy on the seat next to me. She was frantically awakening me and telling me I was going to miss my stop. I startled awake and she was right, she had woken me up just in time for my stop. I gave this some thought and I think that fairies don't appear just for fun. They appear for some reason. I didn't expect the fairy to always be there to awaken me, I thought she was just telling me that they don't show up for no reason. This was supported when I fell asleep on the train and missed my stop a couple of days later.

Last night before sleep I was yearning to see fairies in my dream. I was thinking, I wish I would talk to a fairy. Life is so boring lately, just work work work. I know if I saw a fairy I would feel better. I would feel less alone, happier, I would feel inspired again.

This morning before I woke up at about 4.30am I was dreaming of visiting with my old piano instructor from my childhood. I was aware it wasn't really her, but it made me think of her and think that I should definitely make an effort to catch up with her in real life (she lives in another country now but maybe we could travel). Her face was warped and at one point I bizarrely introduced her to herself because I didn't recognise her properly. We were waiting in line for a restaurant and there were other people around, I noticed a strange man hovering near us. I asked her whether there had been multiple copies of her because I was dreaming and then I was immediately afraid I would wake up (that's usually what happens when I ask a dream figure about dreaming), but I didn't. I think she said no but I don't remember what else she said... We were discussing why I wasn't playing piano anymore, and the piano literature that I had attempted to play in the past year. I was saying I was looking over my old Yann Tiersen book and she was criticising it. I was saying that it was really easy to just play and that could get me back into playing. She was saying that's fine but there's no point talking about that because there wasn't anything about it to examine more deeply, there was no point analysing it or closely reading the notation. I said I guess not, especially when you have the recordings from "Amelie" to listen to and you know exactly what it's supposed to sound like and it's so easy to replicate it and there's not much to interpret. She said it's just fundamentally not very interesting, not interesting enough to play. Then she compared it to the piano music of Beethoven and we were discussing "Pathetique" sonata. I could hear it vividly in the dream, I was overwhelmed with its beauty and perfection and we were talking about how it is a presentation of divine orderly incessant metamorphosis of life through its thematic developments which are so completely natural and organic that they appear to progress by chance but it's also clear that they couldn't happen any other way. Then I realised I was not really discussing these things with my music teacher. I was discussing them with the strange man who was now eating at the restaurant with us and my teacher had pretty much shut down like a doll. She was kind of like his puppet. Clearly he was a fairy.

I woke up and turned on the computer and saw online that it is Beethoven's 250th birthday today. I had no idea of Beethoven's birth date previously. It was pretty cool. Happy Birthday Beethoven. What a beautiful man. My hero. What a legend. I love him. I need to have a look at some of his music soon.

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