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Capsicum's Blog

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A summer of rediscovery



This summer has been a rather eventful one as far as my spiritual path goes. For a little bit of back history, last summer I was rather lonely, aggravated, and in denial with myself that I was miserable in my living situation. I was fresh out of a rather vapid and incompatible relationship of 7 months and had started a new (old) job where I had previously worked from 2008-2010 and had forgotten how much I disliked working for the company. I was basically droned out, barely aware of the life going on around me, drawn into a mild depression and unsure of what to do or really even caring. If you had asked me how I was doing, the answer would have been "good" or "I'm fine" which was far from the truth. Sometime around a year ago in the midst of my loneliness I met another girl who was very similar to me in that she was miserable, lonely, and rather unimpressed with the general population of the area. That ride was extremely brief, around 3 months but impacted me greatly because of her use of a strange blend of Kabbalah and Shaivism (called herself a "Hinjew" :pumpkin_rolleyes: ) A lot of the regular activities we engaged in brought me back to the realization that I had been so caught up in the dronings of life and had been seriously neglecting my dedication to the path I chose years before. In short, it was probably one of the most extreme relationships I've been in, swinging wildly from complete ecstasy to horrifying and back again on a weekly basis. Eventually it came to a screeching halt when she decided to get back together with her fiance she had left for me. :whistling:


Since about January I've been getting back to the basics, focusing more on being true to who I am and being comfortable with myself again. I've been having a great summer so far and have been treading back onto my path with great intent since February. The reconnection of myself with the forest is reminiscent of the Phoenix and I can't help but feel like I've been at this crossroads a few times before in my life. It seems that often I take the wrong trail because I'm too hasty but I suppose with age also comes a bit of patience. I've been working on listening to what the spirits around me have to say and grasping ahold of their secrets should they choose to trust me with them. For too long have I only been interested in them when I want something rather than just listening because I'm truly interested. I've made some serious breakthroughs and I'm both apprehensive and steadfast in my findings.


Anyways, that's enough rambling for now. Check out this picture of one of my daturas in bloom






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