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Anilec's Blog

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Am I the only one??

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I saw the topic come up a few times about graveyards and grave dirt and I am in awe of the number of people who walk through cemetaries freely, don't freak out and accuse me of being all goodness and light, but when i go to a cemetery all hell breaks loose. Since my first experience in a cemetery at the age of 17 I have always collapsed and been dragged out in a heap, mentally unbalanced and looking rather shell-shocked. I don't fear the dead, I have a wonderful relationship with a few spirits, I have even helped do clean-ups in heritage/settlers graveyards and only met a few kindly spirits or felt the urge to avoid certain graves, but i always put it down to intuition. I don't think it's a mental thing either (although those who have met me may argue otherwise lol) I once was out for a country drive with a friend who pulled into the back entrance of one and before we were close enough to see a tombstone or for me to realize where we i was grasping my head shaking and sobbing. I have since tried to reason with the cemetery when we went to visit a friends grave, I explained at the gates that i would not be deterred from my task, to pay my respects and it really didn't work, i couldn't flipping stand up when i got out of the car, my damned legs wouldn't work. I feel nothing terribly unusual within my body, occasionally my head feels more dense then normal, but i can't seem to control what my body is doing, and it's damned annoying. I hold great respect and even jealousy to those who can work with graveyard dirt and the like, i love working with a the earth in general and one day i'll figure out why i have to be sure to not have a cup of tea in my lap when i drive through a city with a cemetery on both sides of the road and why old cemeteries hold no grudge against me, but active ones do. In the meantime i'll stick to my favourite mountain and field dirt.

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