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A lonely Path?


rosielj

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I wonder if it is only me that sometimes finds this path a (sometimes) lonely one?

Or am I just feeling lonely at the moment anyway so trying to blame something?

It is nearly three years since I moved to the community I live in now and I haven't got any friends. My next door neighbour is a lovely Woman and she pops in sometimes, but other than her I never really see, or speak to anyone else.

 

The place I live is somewhere were I felt I would fit in. I used to come here on holiday sometimes, and it seemed like a really cool place, full of interesting, alternative looking people.

 

It will soon be four years since I moved here. I made the decision (in hindsight) rather recklessly! My relationship of 16 years was falling apart... in fairness to my ex mostly because of the way I was becoming. I was working all hours, trying to come to terms with having a chronic disease, it's a very appropriate name "lupus" as it means wolf, and like a sick or wounded wolf in a pack I withdrew from my partner thinking I was no good for him anymore.

 

Because of the nature of my job I never wanted to go out socially because you could guarantee I would bump into somebody I knew. I worked for over 20 years as a Counsellor working with adult survivors of Childhood sexual abuse, and also with a Rape Crisis Centre, and also with Women who had experienced domestic abuse. My Doctor said that I was showing all the symptoms of secondary post traumatic stress, and to get out of my job QUICK!

 

I woke up one morning and thought "What the f..k, I can't do all this anymore!" So I moved here.

 

The place is not what I thought it was, and all the alternative type people just hang around together and don't allow anyone in their circle of friends unless they are of a certain class!

I don't fit in here, it is either alternative types, or locals and I don't really fit into either category! Although I am welsh, and welsh speaking, I wasn't born around here.

 

Didn't really help that weeks after I moved here my Mum got cancer so I was constantly driving back to the North to be with her, she died at the end of 2005.

 

I suppose I am quite choosy about picking friends, and don't tolerate people who gossip behind your back,or who are shallow or false.

 

I suppose you could say I have never had hundreds of friends, but I have usually had at least one true friend in my life at any given time, and I do miss not having that connection.

 

I was reading the hedgewitch site that someone recommended on here, and there is a section about how this path can sometimes be a lonely one. There will be a reason for the last four years I am sure which will manifest soon.

 

I have my two boys at home whom I love so much, and without their company I think I would have lost the plot completely by now!!!

 

I really didn't intend for this post to turn into such a self indulgent whine feast!!!!

Oh well, this is me as I feel today, and if nothing else I always speak as I find! Tomorrow is another day.

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There's nowt wrong with a whine-fest every now and again and you sound like you've got good reason to whine Rosie! I don't think there's anything wrong about being choosy regarding your friends either - if you have respect for yourself and you obviously do. :)

 

Regarding your blog - you know what??? I think life IS lonely - and would be much more so, if it weren't for groups like this or the internet. I have very few friends that i actually 'know' in the flesh... many of my friends are via the internet (and they are few and far between)... but I go to college, come home.. look after my family and never see the few neighbours I have. You're not alone.. I think it's like this in society today, unless you live in a very strong area of community values.

 

I love this path - but sometimes just wish I could walk up to others who are likeminded and natter - not necessarily about witchcraft but with the knowledge that they enjoy/work with similar things to me.

 

Hang in there and keep smiling... that group you mentioned sound like a bunch of toffee nosed old sods to me!

 

Amber xxx

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Thanks Amber

I am so glad I found this site as it has stopped a lot of the isolation I was feeling.

I also think you are right about present day communities, maybe thats why I find it a bit odd because where I grew up the community was very strong and pulled together. Life has changed a lot since then though!

I couldn't cope with spending any time with some of the folks around here, they are so far up their own arses that they haven't seen the daylight for years!!!!

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Guest uniqdrgnfly

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Oh Rosieli, I so relate to a lot of what you wrote. I have never been as lonely as I am and have been living here on the little island. I have reached out so much in the past 6 yrs to make friends, only to be rejected, more times than I change my underwear...lol.

 

I am moving back to my East Texas home in June and so looking forward to it. I have lived a lot of places in my 56 yrs, but this one place here has been the worst place ever to make friends. Sometimes I think it may not have been a bad thing though, because maybe if I had not had all of this "lonely" time, I would have not figured out I was a trad witch....does that make sense to you?

 

Here in the USA, times have changed. I loved the 70's, but it is not like that anymore. I know that change is inevitable, so, I just live with the memories of days gone by and move on...lol

 

I hope you are feeling better these days! xxx

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