Winter is an excellent time for reflection, and I found myself reading past blogs. The one titled "Wings" particularly brought back some memories - memories of why I left my hometown, the forces that propelled me to leave, and forces that still haunt me if I let them. So much has changed, and for the better. I'm not undamaged by my last few years in my hometown, but I suppose the damage was necessary to move on to something better. I no longer feel dread each day, or like every move is a strug
After a day of pain and strong feelings from the river, I have washed and grounded myself. Now that I am calm and as neutral as I can be at the moment, I am feeling the season - the equinox is coming soon, and I can feel what I call the "balancing" happening. The term "balancing" always brought a sense of calm to me, as if balancing was a calming, neutralizing thing. It is not. Recent events have taught me just how abrupt and painful finding the balance can be - sometimes a pendulum must swing b
I started a job as a security guard. The agency works for many different types of companies - hospitals, parking lots, private residences.... They have me guarding a fracking pad. The enemy. The one place in all the world I'd rather never be. There is so much disturbance in this land, I can barely stand feeling it. Physically, I can feel the ground pulsing beneath my feet as I walk on the hard compacted soil and dirt on my way to the booth each day. I have seen insects die immediately after th
Even the most beautiful things get their wings ripped off. Butterflies caught by birds, birds caught by cats. They spend their lives living well, with perhaps an abundance of their favorite flower or seed, and then BAM. Wings ripped off, they are dead and dinner. A lot of the people in my life may have their wings ripped off right now. I don't know if one can recover from that, truly. All the 20-somethings in my town are riddled with depression, poverty, and high competition. People who have w
I have been playing with this for a few months and so far, it's working rather well. Whenever I come into contact with something which is burning hot, I will force a divider between me and it: around my skin is a protective energy layer, like a potholder, and the fire itself I try to bend away from it's point of contact with me. I cannot hold onto the burning-something for a super long time, but it is helping me prevent burns when cooking, spinning poi, playing with a fire, etc. I can pluck the
As my life goes on and gets crazier and crazier, I have come to the realization that I am not happy here. I have been isolated for two months now, I haven't spent time with people outside of my family for those two months. I can feel myself becoming awkward. On the bright side, I am learning to listen to the world around me. On the down side....this fucking sucks. I need to break out of my shell. I am stuck in this house on this weird ass hill with all these spirits and animals and plants and it
This evening has been riddled with a crazy ass thunderstorm, which hung right over my village which resides on a hill top. We catch some bad storms but this one was insane, thunder and lightning like crazy and rain pouring like a waterfall. I have felt energy from storms before, but not like this. These last few months have shown me that I have a growing affinity for earth-bound things, and apparently storms are no different. I had an excellent session with the storm, where I met what I can on
This summer has been filled with mostly dark workings. I can feel it beginning to chip away at me. This is the first time Darkness has affected me this way, and I see now why people strive for balance. I have been surrounded by a lot of fluffy, white light people. I tried fighting it at first, but I think it is the universe's way of telling me to incorporate more Light into my craft, or else I will be damaged from it. I have not been truly balanced for a long time, and as each year passes my w
Today, I will be preparing our new home. I will be wiping the walls and scrubbing the floors, fumigating the property and talking with the house spirits to prepare them for our arrival in a few weeks. I have not lived in a place like this for a long time - there's a yard, a garage, many trees, room for a fenced in yard and a garden. We have a basement, washer and dryer, a workshop room and storage for cans and wines. It will be such a change from my cramped, 3 room apartment that is packed with
It seems that spring is finally here. Small green shoots are beginning, the sun is setting later and later, the sun is warm and the air is crisp, and I am so happy about it. While this winter was incredibly valuable for my mind and spirit, I am thrilled to be out of the cold darkness and into the fresh budding world. Today I was walking my dog down a quiet country road. The stream was roaring and spraying from the sudden onset of snowmelt. Birds were freaking the fuck out, singing their little
This darkness has been a little easier for me so far. More importantly, I have learned a lot - through dreams, memories, projections. I have learned a lot about how I have progressed without noticing, and where my Path may take me. While I suffer from some chains of my past, I am surprised at how many I have let go, through time and healing. The emotional recovery I have achieved in the last 10 years is greater than I expected, and I didn't notice until I looked back. I am beginning to tap i
Solstice is almost here! I'm so excited. My S.O. is starting to feel the effects of the Darkness as well, so some Light will be a wonderful thing in our lives right now. Today will be spent cleaning and prepping for our little solstice celebration. I've changed my mind, might have a few people over for a dinner, should it work out, then the private stuff will be done later. I have half of a mind to completely rearrange the furniture (small apartment, won't take long) to get a new feel. Out
The winter solstice is right around the corner, and I am quite excited for it. This year has become a beacon of hope in a turbid part of my life, and though I continue to struggle with accepting the Darkness, I am getting better at it. There are still scraps of negativity floating around from the last two to three years, and with this solstice I feel as though a great renewal will be at my feet. This solstice, I take off my dark cloak, step into the cold, and drink the silent in air between deat
I have always known my great aunt has "visions" or "sight" but today I had it explained to me in great detail. In my family, there's a belief that if you are born with a white veil over your head, you have the Sight. My aunt had the white veil. She apparently predicted my cousin's birth and the death of her twin sister before the mother even knew she was pregnant, as well as my mother's divorce, and the complications my mother would have with my sister's pregnancy and birth. The more I find
I was staying pretty strong through the Darkness this year, but it finally started to get to me after this week from hell. The snow is beautiful and the holidays are nice, but I am very susceptible to the Darkness' negativity. I believe I need to work on harnessing the Dark, and using it to process emotions and calm chaos - I do not know how to utilize the stillness of the Dark, only how to react with the absence of Light. I think some more outdoor activities will help me this winter... how can
Sometimes it's better to be alone. Trust yourself and your instincts. It's ok to let your guard down...sometimes. Never underestimate the power of a shield. Keep going, even if it feels like torture. A dog really is man's best friend. When in doubt, go outside. Don't be afraid of change. Learn from the darkness, its lessons are valuable. Do not be afraid to see the planes within yourself. Neglect will make them terrifying, only observation and care will clear the dust.
I have set a personal goal for Halloween: all of the food to be served will be local and I will wildcraft as much as possible. So, I have started making acorn flour for cookies, muffins, cakes, and coffee beverages. I will be using local venison, chicken, and eggs for the meat dishes, I will forage my own nuts (black walnuts are everywhere!) All of the vegetables will be grown locally, and I will be making alcohols and garnishes based on local wildcrafted herbs. The acorn flour is my current p
This year was hectic. The dark part of last year was full of danger, sadness, fear, and pain.The light part of the year has been full of change, from both forces beyond my control and from within myself, and anxiety. I have learned a lot this year about myself, and the value of what I have has shone brightly. I have seen some of the places in which I need to grow, and although the light months were stressful, they were rewarding and incredibly fruitful in the way of self-improvement, growth oppo
I received a gift from a friend, a little packet of soil with a bags of seeds - four-leaf clover seeds. Fairly simple stuff - you open the packet, put the seeds in, add water, and wait, or at least that is what I can make of the German instructions. So, I opened the package, sowed the seeds, and went to bed. That night, I had a dream unlike any other... I dreamt of an ambiguously sexed person, older than me but not elderly, showing me a charm, using the clovers. The clovers were the four-leaf
